Devoted To Progress…

Basilica Santa Maria sopra Minerva, Rome, Italy, (Basilica of St. Mary over Minerva) taken by Martha Wiggins, 2011

Basilica Santa Maria sopra Minerva, Rome, Italy, (Basilica of St. Mary over Minerva) taken by Martha Wiggins, 2011. Saint Catherine of Siena is buried beneath the altar, and to the left is a statue carved by Michelangelo -Christ Bearing The Cross.

“Put these things into practice, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress.”  1 Timothy 4:15

     My time in The Stillness always takes place in the privacy of my home.  I share it with all as I have been led to do.  Progress is part of the journey; progress both spiritually and personally.  I would like to share a little about my progress as an example of the myriad of changes and feelings that take place when one is seriously devoted to deepening his or her personal relationship with God.

In the beginning I felt unworthy, humbled to the core.  Then I grew to realize He was calling on me to share Him with all.  Unworthiness was replaced by feelings of inadequacy, and still humbled to the core.  As I stepped outside my comfort zone and began to publicly share my journey of faith, inadequacy turned into self-consciousness, even some embarrassment.  Slowly, I became a bit more comfortable, and as I did He continued to ask more and more of me, having me build a website from the ground up to share Him in a new way through my personal writings.  As I am not at all a computer geek, I was treading in uncharted waters.  After a month of laborious trial and error I broke down in tears, telling Him that if He wanted that website He would have to build it Himself!  He seemed to realize I was at my limit, for He resolved my issue and I was able to launch Martha’s Orbit and Orbital Buzz.  I have had to fight with myself every step of the way in order to follow what I felt He was commanding me to do.  As always, His message was plain and clear, “You are my daughter, and what daughter would not speak out on behalf of her Father.”

It has now been several years since I first sat in Stillness before God.  I long to spend time in The Stillness.  Only there do I feel complete.  I know my unworthiness.  I know I am called.  I know I am forgiven, and loved.  I also know I am still a work in progress and that is okay.  One thing for sure, I am much more aware of when I fail Him, when I sin.  That awareness brings pain from knowing I have disappointed Him.  I am acutely aware of how His use of me affects others.  I often worry about misleading someone or driving them away from Him rather than pointing them toward Him.  This is the reason for the strict separation of Journey Through The Stillness and Martha’s Orbital Buzz.  In The Stillness He gives me what I am to write, and anything else I clearly mark as personal thoughts.  On the website He infuses me with thoughts and ideas, but the writing is all mine.

As a kind of disclaimer, I feel it necessary to say that while I write what I feel compelled to write in The Stillness, I in no way wish to make others think that I am perfect or have all the answers.  Jesus is the answer to every question.  I am still humbled to the core that He would deign to use me, a sinner.  I have many faults and human frailties which I am trying to work through and improve upon.  With His help and strength I am making progress.

My plan is to continue to devote myself to following His commands, and to continue to share my progress in Journey Through The Stillness.  I have also learned that I must be prepared for anything He might ask of me.  My prayer for each of you is that you will use my journey and writings to further your own relationship with Jesus, that you too may become one with Him in The Stillness.

(This post was originally written in 2012, only a couple of years into my journey.  Now, in 2014, I have found myself struggling through a spiritual desert.  I believe He has put me through this time only to bring me closer to Him.  It is a painful struggle, as I also believe that I make it worse through my own actions and in-actions, thoughts and concerns.  The Stillness is no longer there for me as it once was and I miss the consolations He blessed me with during it more than I can ever put into words.  This is the reason for sharing only past entries from my journal, “Journey Through The Stillness”.    However, I know He has not and will not ever forsake me.  I am His, for He is IN me and I am IN Him.  Note, that I did not say I was separated from Him, just in a desert, one of lack of soul stirring feeling.  I still pray and seek Him.  He still provides and guides. As always, I pray for each of you on your own faith journey.  Please pray for me, as I continue to share as He leads me.)

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