Journey Through The Stillness – September, 2010
September 1, 2010 – He tilts my face up to look into His eyes. He says, “Just you and Me today, Martha. Let go of everyone else and everything else. Sometimes you let your mind runaway with you, take you hostage. You worry so about others and those you love. Pray and let go. Pray and let go. Help where needed and move on to the next one to help. Give of yourself but always mindful of and guarding your own Spirit within. Just as a prisoner for life can sometimes have the sentence commuted, so too can everyone. LEAD them to Me and then LEAVE them with Me. It is mine to resolve. Each one has a different circumstance, a different need. Love all. Continue to strive for this in your own life. Lead by example. Remember, Martha, it really is just you and Me.”
September 2, 2010 – It is ideas flooding in again today. I have to stop to jot them down on a notepad. I know they come from Him partly because they come immediately upon entering into The Stillness, partly because I cannot control them or the urge to write them down, and partly because I just KNOW.
September 3, 2010 – “You will write as I tell you to, Martha.” Then He begins again saying, “Do not carry the weight of others on your own shoulders. Lift each up to Me and, as I have said before, leave them with Me. You must TRUST in Me. It is hard to do so at times. I know this. Trust and Patience are necessary if you are to be with Me, if you are to work with Me. If you try to control, you can mess up everything I have planned. I will use you as needed, when needed, it is not yours to say how and when. Yes, listen, heed my voice, but do so with a light heart. I am in control, there is no need for worry and anxiety.
September 6, 2010 – The world has crowded around me. I do not want to be of the world. I am feeling greatly inadequate, and this is how I come to Him. He envelopes me in His love and holds me. We are just there. When I come away I am still not whole, but is not because He is not enough, it is because I am not enough. I cannot give it completely over to Him; my brain holds fast. I know He will be there again, as soon as I am ready to let go again. I must be willing.
Hold on to me, Lord. Never let me be separated from you. Stay with me, Lord that I may ever turn and glance your way. Fill me, Lord, that I may need nothing but you. Complete me, Lord.
September 7, 2010 – As I prepare myself to enter into The Stillness I look around at my various “earthly reminders of heavenly things”. I see the beautiful artwork of my Lord’s head crowned with thorns. His look is solemn, serious, reminding me that this time apart with Him is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING; that everything rides on this. Next I see my statue of Jesus The Shepherd, with the three sheep that I so often refer to. His look is pleasant, joyful, reminding me that He is always glad to see me, to have me come to Him. Then I see the beautiful Crucifix that I firmly believe I was led to purchase by Our Lord. Jesus’ head is hung low, and away from me, reminding me that it is my sins which cause Him such pain. God above Him has a look of compassion and longing, reminding me, almost begging me, to look to Him, to see Him in everyone and everything around me. His Holy Spirit is there prompting me to come in and then to go out and share. And then, at the foot of the cross is Mary. Her look is that of a mother’s love reminding me that if ever I am in trouble or if ever I have trouble finding Him that she is there. She bids me to come to her so she can help me find my way to Him.
I think I will just let this BE my Stillness for today. I think I will dwell on these thoughts as I go through my day. I think I needed to be reminded of these things. I think just thinking on them and writing them actually was Him coming to me in The Stillness.
Thank you, O Lord:
I consecrate myself anew today to your Most Sacred Heart. I am Thine, and Thine I wish to be. Never let me be separated from Thee, and guide me always to what is mine to do.
September 8, 2010 – Prior to The Stillness today I come before Our Lord in Spiritual Communion. (I do this daily.) I come before Him today feeling low: low with humility and seeking forgiveness for my sins; low with a feeling of being inadequate in certain areas of my life; low with a feeling of being in limbo with certain health issues; low with a feeling of helplessness in wanting to make things right for those I love; low with a feeling of emptiness in wanting to lead others to Him and not knowing if I am doing so. I pray to Him:
Lord, I bring this all to You. Give me the courage and the strength to leave all at the foot of The Cross and grant me the faith to know that You, in your infinite mercy and love, will make me whole, complete, in every way. I offer to you this day all that I think, do, and say; all that I am. In the name of God The Father, God The Son, and God The Holy Spirit. Amen.
(Personal Thoughts – I have decided to open up and share some of my “spiritual exercises” and “personal routine”. At times I have already shared some of my Daily Prayer Journal and method. I have shared ways I prepare myself to enter into The Stillness. Here, I share my very personal Spiritual Communion prayer and offering. Spiritual Communion is an invitation for Jesus to enter into us in a very special way at times when we are unable to be physically present at Church to receive Him in the Sacrament of Eucharist. It draws me very near to Him in a way unlike any other. I offer myself completely to Him. I surrender myself to His will for my life. Sharing these very private moments can be quite disconcerting, to say the least. My hope, my prayer is that, in some way, Jesus reaches out to your heart through mine and draws you into Everlasting Eternal Love and Life with Him.
September 8, Stillness – “I love you, my daughter. How can I not when you bare your soul before me in humility and love? My WAY is not for the timid. There will be strife, there will be desert, there will be joy, there will be ecstasy in the way you go. DESIRE to do my will is only the first step. TRUST in my will for you is the next step. SEEKING out my will through Stillness and Prayer is the 3rd step. LIVING IN my will is the fourth and hardest step. The rewards, however, are great. They are PEACE that no man can take from you, and indescribable JOY that lifts your Spirit to mine. Continue on in the way you go, Martha. I am with you each step of the way. Even though you may not see Me at times, I am with you always. I AM.”
September 9, 2010 – I come to Him worried about my kitty, Chessie. Already this morning I have had to take and leave her at the vet with a possible kidney infection. I say, “I know you are in me and I am in you, but Lord, be in my kitty! Send her my guardian angel to watch over her and enwrap her in you love. She is always such a frightened little thing. I also come to test Him. I want to say to Him, “You can’t comfort me, there is no comfort.” But as I am saying it, I stop, for I KNOW that He can. He who sacrificed everything for me IS the source of all comfort. He comes, cradles me on His lap, and soothingly says, “I love Chessie too.” That is what I needed to hear. I begin to calm down and try to leave her in His hands. It is hard, but easier knowing He loves her too, maybe even more than Me! I go to Moffitt today for a thyroid check up. I must concentrate on my own health while praying for hers. I can do this with Him at my side.
September 10, 2010 – Today I come in thanksgiving for a good report on Chessie and that I can go and bring her home. She is not completely out of the woods yet, but I have hope and confidence that she will be. He says, “It is good that you have a thankful heart, and that you always try to remember to say thank you. I know how you love all my creatures and how you view each one as a gift in your life, or an occasional smile sent from Me. My creatures are there for you, and all, that they may learn and practice to love selflessly, so that it can then be transferred onto humans. With humans it can be hard to love selflessly because one’s own self is all wrapped up in the whole equation. With my animal creatures it is simple: love and be loved. Humans complicate it so. Not all can love back. Once they truly know me and my love for them, only then, can they be truly capable of selfless love.”
September 13, 2010 – The image of Christ on The Cross is before me. It is almost like artwork suspended before me, in my mind. Even as worldly thoughts creep in this image remains. He says, “Keep this image of Me ever there. Even as you go about your day in this world see this image of Me as a CONSTANT reminder. Let it serve to keep you in prayer, CONSTANT PRAYER. As I have said before, be IN the world, but be OF my world. Go about your daily life offering all up to Me, offering all up for those you love and for all mankind. This is what it means to pray without ceasing. Use the image of the Crucifix ever before you to help you in this.”
(Personal thoughts – He knows I would so like to just sit and be with Him, be in prayer. I know I must go out into the world. He is giving me a way of staying “linked” to Him at all times. He knows we cannot do it by ourselves because of our humanness, so He gives a hand … and foot, and rib, and heart. He gives us His body and soul. As undeserving as I am, I do know that He loves me.)
September 14, 2010 – I go into The Stillness, my heart physically aching, and saying, “My heart is aching for love of you, for want of you, for need of you.” He says, “My child, coming to Me with such words of love and desire, how can I NOT be here. It has been awhile since you have been OF Me, felt the ONENESS with Me. Come now. Come to Me now.” I feel myself meld into Him. I become one with Him. There is such a release within my being. I no longer carry all. I just am. I just exist within Him. I have let go. I need or want nothing more. This is for a few minutes. During this I begin to see myself again as a child, a simple child. I am led by Spirit to what is mine to do. I say, “Yes, Lord, I will.” Then it ends. Then I write.
September 15, 2010 – Jesus is before me, His Sacred Heart exposed. He places His hand on my head and bows it forward. My heart begins to physically hurt more than usual. I am loving Him and He is using that love as a vessel of reparation for others. I begin to see white, ashen hands reaching out and up. I realize they are being freed from their sinful purgatory. My heart hurts even more fiercely. As I realize what is going on I pray even more fervently for God to release as many souls as He can during this time. He does. I KNOW it, I SEE it. My heart is a vessel of His loving mercy. I beg to stay this way as long as possible, but it soon comes to an end. He releases me from The Stillness. I am humbled to the core. I cannot name souls, however, I have such a wonderful feeling of relief. I pray that the souls I dearly love were a part of this. Thank you, My Lord and Savior, for deigning to use me in so special a way.
September 16, 2010 – I sense that He is going to use me again. I say to Him, “Lord, I give my heart, body, and soul over to You. Do with me as thou wilt.” He is there, His Sacred Heart exposed and He places His hand upon my head bowing it forward as before. My heart begins to hurt as before. I begin to see ashen hands, but today something is different. Not only suffering, but evil is present. I begin to see images of the evil one in the form of a vicious, teeth gnashing wolf-like creature. He is circling about me. I am so fearful that he is all I can focus on. My Lord says, “Martha, do not focus on him for when you do all stops. Focus on my Merciful, Loving Heart before you so that you can become the channel for souls I need you to be.” I do so and then I have a sensation, a wonderful feeling of life passing through me and into Him. He continues to coach me to keep my thoughts filled with only love for Him and all the suffering souls. He bids me not to try to see who they are but to just be a channel for them. I can see a crowd of souls reaching back into oblivion. I see those hands reaching up. I hear wailing, groaning, and such mournful sounds of misery that all I can do is focus on loving them, helping them. I no longer think of the evil one. He has no power over this kind of love coming through me from The Sacred Heart and reaching into the abyss of suffering souls to pull them through to The Light, and to live forever with Him in The Kingdom of God.
When it is over I feel Him reassuring all that He will be back for them. I hurry, for I MUST WRITE this down. My heart immediately ceases to ache just as it did yesterday. I have no explanation. I need no explanation.
September 20, 2010 – God The Father is everywhere about me this morning. He says, “See, Child, how quickly things can happen, how quickly things can change. Only steadfast faith in Me will give you the strength necessary to live in my will. You must love one another THROUGH Me so that all will be bound together in my Spirit, in my will. The links of the chain will be so entwined, so connected, that nothing will separate them, not even when earthly life ends. You are learning this, Martha. Continue to strengthen the chain by loving and giving freely of yourself, whatever the circumstances. Remember, from My Heart to yours, from My Heart within you to all those I bring to you. This is what it means to love THROUGH Me.”
September 21, 2010 – The Stillness is in the afternoon again today due to doctor’s appointment. I go through my normal routine to enter into The Stillness and at the point where I say, “Yes, Lord, I will be still for you are God.” I add, “And, I so NEED you to be God.” He senses that I feel a lack of control in all circumstances right now. It is my Guardian Angel who comes. She enfolds me in her armor of love. I call it this today because unlike the softness of prior times it is as if she has built a brick wall around me. I sink into the quietness of her protection. There is bright light streaming in from above. I begin to sense all that is good in my life. I FEEL all that is good: the love of my husband, my children, my family, and friends. I feel the joy and the unconditional love of my pets. I feel the security of my home. Beyond and above all this I sense all the good in my life from His realm: the great sacrificial love of His Son, My Lord and Savior, the loving support of The Virgin Mary, my Spiritual Mother, and through her the love of my own mother. I feel His Spirit upon me to fill me with faith, hope, and love for all. I sense the support and prayers of all the angels and saints in heaven. Somehow I have lost all concerns, all problems. They will still be there when I return, but I will be better able to face them and deal with them in loving support.
September 22, 2010 – He says, “You say you will be still, for I am God. You know that I am God, and I AM. What does this mean? I am your God; I am the God of all. What does this mean?” I feel He is waiting to be answered, but I just sit in thought. Then I say, “You ARE God. You are LIFE. I MUST live in and through You. I MUST accept myself for WHO I am, a child of God. I MUST give over to You all that I think, do and say; ALL that I am. I MUST accept myself AS I am; the way You created me, in your image and likeness. I MUST be the person you WILL me to be, a person of love. You are God. You are LOVE. We are united in love, not just You and I, but all of creation. I MUST live in the unity of love now and forever. I am created by You for that very purpose.” He smiles, “Well said, my daughter, now go and live in love.”
September 23, 2010 – I speak first today. I say, “You are the one that I want, Jesus My Shepherd. You are the one that I need today.” He says, “Yes, Martha, I can see. You want to be led. You are wanting guidance. It is already there. You are doing as I ask. Take heart, child, for ALL is in MY control.”
September 24, 2010 – I come out of Spiritual Communion saying to Our Lord that I love His hands. I enter into The Stillness with Him already there and holding His hands. I am rubbing them and saying, “These are the hands I love so; the hands that have given all; the hands that are upon my head in blessing every day when I enter into The Stillness.” Now our hands are locked together with our fingers wrapped around each other’s wrist. He says, “This is the bond I speak of, the link in the chain that is so strong. It is a bond, that once formed, I shall allow no one to break. I shall let no one take it from you. You come to me of your own free will out of desire for this union. This unity is life giving. This unity is Eternal.”
September 25, 2010 – When I can finally quiet all the racing thoughts in my mind, it is Jesus of The Sacred Heart before me. I immediately say, “I am Thine, Lord, and Thine I wish to be.” He says, “And so it shall be my child, but there is still work to be done. Work in you and work in others. Do not try to control. Just let it be. All is well. All is in my hands. You have placed it there. There you must leave it. You are tired, concerned. Bring that to Me and leave it with Me also. I know. I see. It will be according to my will.”
September 27, 2010 – I come to The Stillness late in the afternoon and very harried from the day. I say to Him, “Lord, the devil is everywhere, everywhere, all around me and in me. He is in the happenings of this day and he is in my thoughts. So far I have kept him from my tongue but fear if this day does not end soon I will succumb. While riding in the car earlier I asked if You were trying to make me mad at You, or were You just stirring my emotions. Then later in the car by myself I knew it was not You, Lord. It was the devil who had orchestrated this entire day with all its aggravations, and hurts, in order to try and come between You and me … it was the devil who was trying to make me mad at You, Lord. Then, after coming home, I checked the daily Mass readings on my Fb link. It was Job 1:6-22 where God gave everything of Job’s to the devil to control, except for Job himself. As I read I found myself saying, “Yes, Yes, Yes … Exactly!” Then I knew that I had been tested today. While today is not yet over I know I will make it. I have questioned God today, but only through submission to His will and begging His help. I have not yet succumbed and given free reign to my tongue, or fully given my emotions complete control over me. May the Lord bless me, and keep me through the rest of this day. Jesus says, “Run to Me. Run into your Hightower where I will let nothing harm you.”
September 28, 2010 – Today my heavily robed Lord presses my head to His chest and bids me stay there. He says, “Come to Me all you who are heavily laden and I will give you rest.” And then He adds, “Stay here, daughter, rest. Rest in Me. Just be here with Me today. You are much in need.” And so that is exactly what I do. I turn off all emotions, all pleading, all prayer even. I just am … with Him.
September 29, 2010 – When He places His hands on my head in blessing as we enter into The Stillness I say, “It is not enough, Lord. Just your hands on my head is not enough. I want, I need to be one with You.” He answers me, “I know this, Martha, but to be One with Me you must be OF Me. You must live IN Me. This is easier said than done for there is much suffering in the Way I go. There is much suffering and sacrifice for lost souls, for evil souls that we must win back for Our Father. Then there is the mourning for the souls that, even though we have gone through torment for them, never return to Our Father. And then, there is the suffering at the hands of the evil one who tries to thwart our efforts at every turn. There is also much loneliness in the Way I go, for many souls do not want Me. Frustration and anger are also abundant when I am right there yet a soul does not see Me, does not even glance in my direction. Above all is the pain of The Cross, ever there as a sacrifice so that all souls who do come are forgiven and welcomed by Our Father. Yes, the Way I go is a path of suffering and sacrifice. To be One with Me is to suffer, but the reward is Life Eternal.”
Prayer: My Lord, and My God, my desire is to be One with You. I do not know if I am capable or brave enough to suffer with You. Only You know. Ask of me what you will and I will place all my trust in your Most Sacred Heart. Amen.
September 30, 2010 – “Martha, I leadeth you on paths of righteousness for MY NAMESAKE. Do not fear. Go in the Way you know you should go. I am your supply. What need have you?”
This is it today. His message … simple and to the point!