Journey Through The Stillness – November, 2010
November 1, 2010 – “When you do things and offer them up to Me I am able to make them whole wherever they are lacking, and most especially so, when you offer all up through My Sacred Heart within you. This is what I want, child. This is what I ask of you.”
November 2, 2010 – He cups His hands around my face and tilts it upward until I am gazing into His eyes. He says, “I SEE you. I see all that you are and all that you will be. I see all that you are not and all that you never will be. Do not dwell on what you are not, child. Only judge to see where correction is needed. Correct and move on. Focus only on what you are and what you will be if you follow Me. Remember, it is only IN Me that you are complete, that you are made whole. It is only IN Me that you will be ALL that you can be. In TRUTH, you only need to focus on Me and all will be right with you. You can only BE you. You cannot fix others or make everything right for them. You can lead by example. You can lead by following, by following Me. Others may come to Me through you, but in the end, child, you are still only you. I made you to be you. I want you to be you. I love you, and everyone, just as you are. Be the Me IN you to the world.”
November 3, 2010 – My head is bowed, His hands upon it. He stands proud and looks out over the horizon. He is orchestrating, directing, much as one leads an orchestra or a choir. He smiles, frowns, laughs, even looks in wonder. He picks me up and places me down, and then says, “I have prepared The Way for you. Go in The Way I lead you and know that there will not be one inch too much for you, Martha. I have already seen to it. Do not give in to the evil one; do not give up on yourself, your loved ones, or others. I go before all to prepare their Way.”
November 4, 2010 – Today is about being thankful. Whenever things seem out of control I must look to God who IS in control, even in control of the seeming chaos. In part of my daily Bible meditation I read an excerpt from Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost for His Highest” as quoted by Max Lucado … “Are you willing to be offered for the work of the faithful – to pour out your life blood as a libation on the sacrifice of the faith of others? Or do you say – I am not going to be offered up just yet, I do not want God to choose my work. I want to choose the scenery of my own sacrifice; I want to have the right kind of people watching and saying ‘Well done.’ It is one thing to go on the lonely way with dignified heroism, but quite another thing if the line mapped out for you by God means being a doormat under other people’s feet. Suppose God wants to teach you to say, ‘I know how to be abased’ – are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket – to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister? Some saints cannot do menial work and remain saints because it is beneath their dignity.”
Then in my daily prayer journal I find myself realizing and thanking God for His hand at work in so many of the things I pray for daily; for ANSWERED PRAYER. I thank Him for letting me see and know He is working in my life, even in the chaos, and I thank Him for each situation that I can see this.
Then I spend time in The Stillness praising Him, offering Him the Glory. He is pleased with this. He is smiling. Now I head back into the chaos knowing full well that He is in control.
(Personal note: After my prayer time I finishing getting ready to leave the house for the day … the toilet overflows, and on the way in the car a cat runs out in front of me and I barely miss hitting it! The day has only just begun! This is just part of the chaos of which He is in control! J )
November 5, 2010 – Today as I sit in the The Stillness my kitty, Chessie, continually interrupts me for attention. Normally she lays down right next to me, even against me, and then stays very still. Today, however, she keeps sitting up and then nudging me. She nudges my arm, and then my hands on my lap. Clearly there is no ignoring her. I stop several times to give her a pet. Finally she is content and moves a short space away and settles down. Each time, when I returned to The Stillness, Jesus said nothing. This time He says, “See, Martha.” And I do see. He has used Chessie to show me that we are like her; coming to Him needing and begging for attention. He says, “Just as you could not ignore her, I cannot ignore you. When you come, I am here.” Also, like Chessie, once we have spent time in His presence, been caressed by OUR LORD, we are contented. At least for awhile, our human mind finds peace and we are able to go forward with what is ours to do. That is, until we need petting again and we return to nudge Him. It is nice to know we cannot be ignored. He is always there.
November 6, 2010 – Today my emotions are mixed. I am missing my Mom for today is the 3rd anniversary of her death. I am longing for my Mom. I miss her. My thoughts, however, keep turning to Jesus My Shepherd and the sheep. I feel Him here and know that He is guiding me. He says, “Just follow Me, child. I will show you the way.” I am needing to hear this because a big part of missing my Mom is not being able to talk and share with her. I miss her guidance. He knows this. I just want to be shown what to do and then I will do it! I am tired of trying to figure it out by myself, and yet, I know I am not by myself. He is ever there, at my longing.
November 8, 2010 – Jesus My Shepherd is here, the wooly sheep pressing all around me. He says, “Wear your faith like a cloak of lamb’s wool, always remembering the one true Lamb of God, Jesus. Strive to bring others into the warmth and love of the cloak. Do not be afraid to be you and let them see. Be the you I want you to be and freely give of yourself. Continue to seek my guidance, ask for my words on your tongue and in your writing. Pray and write, think and share as you are led by Me. Together, child, we will work together. Go carefully, prayerfully, and all will be as I want it. Remember you are the channel. You can only channel Me if you remain open to my will in all things. I know I ask much, but you will see. Continue on, child. I am with you.”
November 9, 2010 – Today was different in The Stillness. His hands are on my head and even with my eyes closed there is still a definite brightness. This continues for some time and then He bends me forward. This is different also, as He has me bent in half, but with arms outstretched rather than folded in. My head is very, very low this way. My upper body is actually at a downward slant. It is very uncomfortable and I offer it up on behalf of all souls, especially those in purgatory; especially the souls of my loved ones. This continues on for some time also, until I am lifted back upright. I am leaning on my arms angled at my sides and my head is tilted fully upward. I realize at this point that I have no control over my body. After a few minutes I begin to slowly go backward. My feet are off the floor. And then, I am lying down completely with feet out, as one time before in a previous Stillness. When it is over I am back upright. As the time before, I am again left bewildered. However, the time before, He explained that it was about control; about my giving Him complete authority, complete control over my body, and everything else in my life. No other explanation or conversation with Him is there today. Maybe none is needed. I am His.
November 10, 2010 – My heavily robed Jesus is here today and says to me, “My child, sometimes you are your own worst enemy. You try to think ahead of Me when all I want is for you to listen, go, and do. Hear my message, carry it out into the world, and work toward becoming the person I want you to be by implementing my will in your own life. When you think too much, when you plan too much, you might miss an important step. Don’t over analyze. Seek out my will and seek to do my will. I will take that effort and make it complete. It is only desire and effort that is needed. You can not fail; therefore, there is no excuse, no reason, not to try.” Jesus is smiling at this.
(Personal thoughts – I tend, as most of us do, to make everything harder than it has to be. I wait for perfection before attempting. I put too much into the preparation sometimes and not enough in the doing. He is telling me to have faith; to trust. If we desire to do His will, if we try to discern it and then try to accomplish it, we are on the right path, we are on HIS WAY. He will bless our efforts even if we do not see the results. He just removed all arguments, all excuses, did He not? We cannot fail in His eyes, and His eyes are all that matter.)
November 11, 2010 – I enter The Stillness thanking Him for this day which has no outside obligations and is mine to fill. I ask His guidance and direction in using my time to His glory. He lays my head gently upon His lap and says, “Hush, child, your mind is too busy.” It is very hard for me to do so today. After awhile He says, “Now go, and use the energy you have gained here to carry you through this day. Enjoy!”
November 12, 2010 – Everyday lately it His loving, wounded hands that come upon my head in blessing. The love that emanates from Him is immeasurable, indescribable, except to say it is everything, it is all encompassing. And when He calls me child, it is such a term of gentle endearment that my own heart softens and melts within. To feel Him near me is to be totally engulfed in the Spirit of love, compassion and empathy, along with His commitment to support and guide, to secure and protect. To be near Him is to feel His longing for us to come to Him, to become one with Him. It is LOVE. To be near Him is to be loved no matter who we are, no matter what we have done. All we have to do is draw near and ask, “Are you there, Lord?” Even if we don’t see or feel Him, He is there. He is ALWAYS there. Draw near.
November 13, 2010 – I enter into The Stillness after just having reread an article that I received via email in 2002. It made such a vivid impact on me at the time that I made a copy of it, folded it, and inserted it into the back of my Bible. Today it fell out. As I reread it for the first time again in years I felt its impact all over again. And since I try to pay attention to what God is asking of me I will post it following this entry. Entering in The Stillness Jesus is here. He begins to write on me. Using His finger He writes His name in blood on my forehead, my arms, my legs, my back. In a moment I am awash in His blood. It is running down my limbs onto my hands and feet. I am astounded. I feel so hollow, so empty, and so ashamed for I KNOW He sees everything. He KNOWS everything. He sees and knows the things I want no other human being to know, and yet, He continues to write on me. Then He begins to use a towel and wipe away the blood. I say, “No.” I do not want Him to do this. He responds, “Daughter, I have paid the price for you. In coming to Me you are washed in my BLOOD. In staying with Me and living in my will, you are cleansed, made whole, made perfect in my sight. It is MINE to do.” I so want to be cleansed, to be made whole that I just sit there and allow Him to wipe. He is ever so gentle. He knows my anguish, my disgrace and wants to wipe it all away. He and I both know He will have to repeat the process many times in my life time, but He knows I will try to make it as few times as possible for His sake. I am learning; I am trying. I desire to live in His will.
Below is the email referred to above –
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. “I wowed ’em,” he later told his father, Bruce. “It’s a killer. It’s the bomb. It’s the best thing I ever wrote.” It also was the last.
Brian’s parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it
while cleaning out the teenager’s locker at Teary Valley High School.
Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted
every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers,
Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment
of the teen’s life. But it was only after Brian’s death that Beth and
Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there.” Mr. Moore said.
Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend’s house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce
Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was
The Moores framed a copy of Brian’s essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. “I think God used him to make a
point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of
it,” Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to
share their son’s vision of life after death. “I’m happy for Brian. I know
he’s in heaven. I know I’ll see him.
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the
room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall
covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in
libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.
But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly
endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near
the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read
“Girls I have liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I
quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for
my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and
small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and
curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly
opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet
memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would
look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I have betrayed.”
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.
“Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I have Given,”
“Jokes I Have Laughed at.” Some were almost hilarious in their
exactness: “Things I’ve yelled at my brothers.” Others I couldn’t
laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger”, “Things I Have Muttered
Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the
Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had
lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each
of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked “TV Shows I have watched,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run
through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test
its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt
sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw! Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one
end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His
name over mine on each card. “No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I
could find to say was “No, no,” a! s I pulled the card from Him. His
name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so
rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was
written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad
smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand
how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him
close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His
hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its
door. There were still cards to be written.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”- Phil. 4:13
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
November 15, 2010 – He stands before me beaten, scourged, bloodied, crucified, yet off the Cross. Blood streaming down His face from the Crown of Thorns, He looks down at me and says, “See ME. See the PAIN I have suffered, the BLOOD I have shed, The LIFE I have given. See and KNOW My SACRIFICE. SEE, KNOW, and LIVE IN and THROUGH Me. I SEE you, now SEE Me.”
(Personal thoughts – When we truly SEE, there is no going back. Seeing changes us, changes something in our core. Somehow we become empty and whole at the same time. We become frail, yet strong; angry, yet loving; guilty, yet forgiven. We cannot go on as before, as if we did not SEE. He knows this. He wants us to SEE. If we but look, it is ALL there right before our eyes. Look at Jesus, Crucified. Look closely. SEE.)
November 16, 2010 – “It is good, Martha. You are feeling rushed, and yet you come. Be calm, be at peace. Take Me with you and together we will accomplish this day. When you offer it up to Me it becomes a continuous prayer. You then LIVE in prayer. Let Me be the focus of your day, no matter how busy. Remember, I go before you always. See Me there.”
November 17, 2010 – My Crucified Lord is here. As one time before He places His wounded hands in a chain lock with mine. He sees that I Am shaken by this and begins to kneel before me. Seeing that this bothers me intensely He stands and brings me to standing also, hands still locked together. He says, “This is the bond you must protect. NEVER let it be taken from you. I have shed my BLOOD for you; I have given up my BODY. This is the bond that is LIFE giving. The world knows Me not as I truly AM. My Body and Blood is the GATEWAY for ALL. The world knows Me not. You are my messenger, child. Go, and tell ALL, that they must eat of the Fruit of The Vine. They must BELIEVE I AM the Fruit.”
(Personal thoughts – I can honestly say that when I enter into The Stillness I never know what is coming. When I type it to post publicly I relive each moment. It is then that I too see a pattern evolving, or a theme, or a particular message to be delivered. Today is obviously the crescendo of the previous few messages, and also the crux of the entire Stillness. The message is strong and clear – Through His Body and Blood we are delivered. Through the Eucharist we are made whole in the physical union with Christ, Our LORD and SAVIOR.)
November 18, 2010 – He knows I am wondering if this is all ending. He gently cups my face in His loving, wounded hands; tilts it upward to look into His eyes and holds my gaze. He says, “I know, child. I understand why you think as you do. I see. You feel unworthy, and more than that, you feel inadequate. DON’T! There is much more to be done. As long as you come willingly I will be here and I will use you. I use you only in the ways you are capable, and then I see to it that you have the strength and courage to go forward. You see it as ‘outside your comfort zone’. I see it as your ‘true self emerging’.” He has that knowing twinkle in His eye.
(Personal thoughts – When He first tilted my head up the tears began to flow, but quickly stopped as He stared so intently. He always knows when I need loving reassurance of all that I am working on and He always gives it. He is my shield and portion, my rock, my strength. I can do all things in and through Him. He is Love.)
November 19, 2010 – “You are worried that you are coming into a time of being so busy. You are asking that I not let you become so busy that it takes over everything else, that I help you to stay prayerful and focused on Me. Just remember, Child, to wear my SMILE on your lips, my WORD on your tongue, and my LOVE in your heart. In doing so, all that you do will be prayerful, all that you do will be of Me. Your focus will be on Me. Remember, you are IN me, and I am IN you.”
November 22, 2010 – Crucified Jesus, beaten, scourged, bloodied, stands before me. His hands are clasped in front and His thorn crowned head is bowed. There is a bucket and towels at His feet. My Guardian Angel is here. She instructs me to wipe Our Lord using the liquid in the bucket and the towels. She explains that the liquid is my tears, and the tears of mankind, shed in sorrow for our sins. I begin at His feet, His nailed feet. I try to be ever so gentle as I work my way up His ravaged body. His eyes are closed. I take each hand and lovingly wipe away the dried blood. These hands are my home, my peace, to which I always turn in times of need. For me they are Love personified. Then I come to the wound in His side. My hands are trembling now and my heart is aching within more and more as I gently pat the wound. I now move up to His shoulders, then to His face. I begin to dab the sides of His face and along His brow. His eyes open. He says, “Child.” I say, “Lord.” Then He says, I go now to my Father.” At once my Angel’s aura is all around Him, and they leave. I look down for the bucket of tears now mixed with blood. It is gone. I hear her explain that they have taken it as an offering to The Father.
Once again I am humbled to the core. At this moment I have no more words to speak or write. (I knelt down immediately and prayed The Divine Mercy Chaplet. Here the tears flowed freely.)
November 23, 2010 – He is before me again, My Crucified Christ. And yet, immediately He is transfigured into Jesus of The Sacred Heart, hand raised, Heart exposed. My heart is fiercely aching. He is ascending, and as He does, He says, “I am the LIGHT of the world. You are one of my RAYS. In this way you can manifest my physical presence to those who can see only in the physical realm. You can bring my LIGHT to them.” I ask, “Lord, how will they know?” He smiles.
November 24, 2010 – As I enter into The Stillness I hear these words, “Well done good and faithful servant. The Lamb of God has heard your requests. When you humble yourself before Me, I cannot refuse. Continue on.” I sit in The Stillness for some time recalling the many prayers I have lifted up to Him this day. I hope I have left no one out. I also offer that up in prayer. I question myself as to what is most important to lift up at this moment and do so. I know He is listening. I thank Him for all the prayers He has already answered and for all the prayer He is going to answer. I am open to His outcomes.
November 25, 2010 – He is saying, “You can do this. You can be the Me in you. It takes effort but the rewards are many, the rewards are Eternal. I ask you not to judge as the world in you, but as the Me in you. See all through My Eyes, My Heart and you will not err.” (Personal thoughts – I am thankful for His insight and am wishing I was better at it. I will ‘continue on’ as He is always telling me. I will do better for He is with me.)
November 29, 2010 – I enter into The Stillness and He immediately says, “The TIME has come. Prepare the Way. Point the lambs toward their Shepherd. I will guide. You point the way with your heart, your words, and your actions. It will cause them to pause, to think, to LOOK. Remember, if they but glance my Way, Look in my direction, I will guide them HOME to The Father, for I AM The Way, The Truth, and The Life. And remember, child, I am IN you and you are IN Me. Together, as ONE. Go and do as I ask. It is TIME.” (Personal thoughts – I am not quite ready. There is more I need to do before it is ready. My prayer: Lord, make me whole. Send your Spirit upon me to guide my words, my efforts to point the way. Let Him find wherever they are lacking and make them complete in your sight. Not by my efforts, but by His, may you be Glorified through Me.) … By the time this is posted on facebook the website will have been launched, which is what He has been leading me to for some time. Its success is in His hands!
November 30, 2010 – He is here with all the sheep. He is walking away, with all of them flowing along, and glancing back over His shoulder to see if I am coming. I so desperately want to follow, but my feet will not move. It is as if I am wearing lead boots. I try to lift one leg by using my arms and manage to turn it in His direction. I do the same with the other leg. I am now facing His way but still cannot take a step. He turns toward me and throws His hands up as if to say, “What’s the trouble, why aren’t you coming?” I look at Him. I am crying, “I can’t, Lord. I am stuck. My feet are so heavy that I cannot move them! I need your help!” He stares intensely into my eyes and says, “How many times must I tell you to continue on in TRUST, in FAITH. You must believe I can take care of your EVERY need. You must step out in Faith, even though you do not know the outcome. You have turned toward Me. Do not stop now, when it is almost done. I am here; you are there. Come to Me.” Some of His sheep have come back and are surrounding me. I begin to slowly move forward to Him. He is smiling an ‘I told you so smile’. I am longing to be there already, but knowing, even if it takes some time, I am going to get there.
(This took place in the midst of great frustration in the building of the website. This particular day I challenged Him after this The Stillness by telling Him if He wanted a website He would have to make it happen, because I couldn’t. This is the day that it all came together and I launched it!)