January, 2010

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Journey Through The Stillness… January, 2010

Below is my actual journal.  The original is handwritten, and in pencil.  When I realized fully what was happening, I began to make this typed record.  In the beginning I recorded only what I thought the message was, and later, as I realized I was to share everything that took place in The Stillness, I recorded all.

In The Stillness

 Jan 4, 2010 – The Lord said, “First and foremost in ALL things, do no harm.  PRACTICE this.

Jan 5, 2010 – The Lord said, “Bring people to you with your smile.  Keep them there with MY LOVE.

Jan 6, 2010 – I found my thoughts breaking out in this hymn of praise – “Glory and praise to our God, who alone gives light to our days.  Many are the blessings He bears to those who follow His ways.”

The Lord said, “Sing my praises and count your blessings today.”

So many times I have prayed for what is “mine to do”.  Could I be so vain and proud to think You would use me?  As it was Sr. Faustina’s mission to spread Your Mercy, could it be mine to spread Your Joy?  Are there souls, both living and dead, that are so ridden with guilt and despair that they need to be re-enlightened with the Joy of Your Love for them and the Joy in loving You?  Both saint and sinner find joy in loving, the sinner even more so.  Help me to share your joy, Lord.  Show me how.

Jan 7, 2010 – My “God Calling” reading today said to continue meeting with the Lord even though He gives no message, as I will be absorbing Him. (Infused?)

In The Stillness He was quiet.

Jan 8, 2010 – In The Stillness the Lord said, “Your Mercy and Grace shall be my salvation.  Pray this throughout your day.”

I shall write it on a sticky note and place it in the car to help me remember throughout the day. Thank you for the grace of these messages, Lord, even if I am only imagining them.

Jan 9, 2010 – “Say it THIS way:

In the name of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.  People are too nonchalant when making this Holy Sign!

Jan 11, 2010 – I had trouble stilling my thoughts.  He kept hushing me and kept repeating “I AM the Bread of Life”, with much emphasis on the word am.  I needed to still myself again.  I finally asked Him, “Lord, is there more you wish to add? “  He said again, “I AM the Bread of Life.  Come TO Me”, with much emphasis on the words am and to.

Maybe I am imagining, or willing, these thoughts because I want to, but I have the strong urge to write them down, if only to use them for my own journey.  I remain open to the possibilities, Lord, only show me the way.  Especially guide me in how You want those thoughts/quotes used to your Glory and to bring Joy to others.

Jan 12, 2010 – I fight the stillness.  He must tell me to hush … to silence my mind.  It is like a bad radio station signal in the background trying to break in by repeating the message over and over until it is totally clear in my mind.  The Lord said, “Get to know Me, my beloved.  Try to think and act like Me … try to BE me.”

Jan 13, 2010 – Stillness is a battle again.  Lots of noise in my head, the stillness coming and going, and then the Lord said, “Do not fight the stillness; just let it happen.  LET Me come.

Jan 14, 2010 – My mind was too noisy; everything in a jumble.

 Jan 15, 2010 – Today I was able to silence and still myself.  When I emptied out the vessel of my mind, the Lord came quickly and left just as soon as He was sure I heard clearly, “Keep Me close by, looking for and seeing Me in others.  LOOK for Me; SEE Me.”

Almost every time, as soon as it is clear in my thoughts, the message is repeated and then the silence abruptly ends.  All Praise and Glory to You, Oh, Lord.  All thanks and praise are yours.

Jan 18, 2010 – The Lord said, “Here the birds?  Pay attention.  You miss so much when you don’t pay attention!  I have many smiles for you.

Jan 19, 2010 – The message came quickly today.  It is as if He edits it in my mind, repeating it over and over until the wording is just as He wants it to be.  Today, He was a little emphatic at first.  “Just BE!  Just BE MARTHA!  (Then gentler)  “Remember you are IN Me, and I am IN you.  Let your joy out everywhere.”  (then almost humorously, as if I felt a gleam in His eye) “How can I help but shine through!”

Jan 20, 2010 – Fighting to stay in the stillness and on the verge of falling into sleep, snapping up and thinking the silence over, and then immediately, “Go with the Peace of God; MY Peace.  Let no man take it from you.  Guard and protect it al all costs.”  Then He kept repeating, “My Peace be with you,” as if to plant it in my head so that I will hear it throughout the day, even subconsciously.

Jan 21, 2010 – Images trying to fight through into the stillness.  I see a piece of paper (a note?) being placed in a small hole (fist size) in a large rock.  It is dark or shadowy.  Then He said, “Hear Me, See Me.  See Me in my Passion, in the Agony in the Garden.  Let this cup pass from Me, yet your will, not mine, be done.  You MUST continue to pray with much devotion and desire, but, you MUST TRUST COMPLETELY IN MY OUTCOMES.”

 Jan 22, 2010 – Always, when I bow my head into the stillness, I imagined a heavily, robed Jesus laying His hands on my head in comfort, in calmness, in blessing.  Today, at this point, I lay my head upon His lap and tears flow from me without control.  I am crying for the sinner that I know I am and that He knows me to be.  I am full of questions.  Was this a sin? Or that?  He calms me.  He says, “Be still.  Hear me.  You are always talking to me through your prayers and your journal.  HEAR ME.  I love YOU exactly as you are.  I have tried to teach you one lesson over the years ….. that it is okay to be happy.  Even in the midst of suffering.  Your joyful nature, your joyful spirit brings great joy to Me.”  I ask Him what to do about confession.  He says, “Nothing just yet.  When it is time, WE will go TOGETHER.  For now, just keep COMING to me.”

Jan 23, 2010 – Today the stillness is more of a calmness and lasts for a longer time.  It is as if I am resting in the calmness of Him.  Earlier, during my regular prayer readings and journaling, He focused me intensely on the verse at the bottom of my Daily Word.  “The human mind may devise many plans, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established – Proverbs 19:21  Then, in Saint Faustina’s Diary of Divine Mercy, He focused me on page #303, the ending sentence of paragraph #756.  “My soul was engulfed by the great love of God, and I understood that we should take great heed of our interior inspirations and follow them faithfully, and that faithfulness to one grace draws down others.”  Then, again, page #303, paragraph #758.  “Jesus gave me to know the depth of His meekness and humility and to understand that He clearly demanded the same of me.”

I am understanding that I must not draw attention to myself or to any of this that is going on.  It is not time to share.  Yet, I MUST continue to heed His voice within and CONTINUE TO WRITE what I am given to say.

Jan 25 2010 – The messages keep coming in the stillness.  I remain calm about it, yet, determined that I feel called to write these messages.  I will keep on, but keep quiet, until I fully understand the reality, goal, and use of these messages.  It seems wholly selfish, and unrealistic to think the Lord is speaking just to and for me, but for now I must listen as me, write as me, and then pray to be guided in their use.

The Lord said today, “Don’t be average.  Take the talents I have given you and put them out there for all to see.  Then, STEP BACK, letting go, and watch as others come to ME.

Jan 26, 2010 – Afternoon in the stillness, due to morning doctor appointment.  It is somewhat of a struggle, and yet, I know I have entered into the stillness.  I know He is here and then He says, “I am here and you are here.  Sometimes that is enough.”  I felt as if, by His presence, He is rewarding me for my effort to come to Him.

Jan 27, 2010 – The stillness is much deeper today.  God enfolds me.  I am totally at rest in Him.  He says, “Absorb Me.  Rest in Me.  Become one with Me.  I will hold you in my arms.  Go forward as one with Me.”

Jan 28, 2010 – At the start of the stillness, instead of Him placing His hands on my head, I see the Lord, Jesus, and myself walking directly into Him.  I no longer see me, but only Him.  He says, “Find yourself in Me.  You must live in Me to know thyself.  Only then may you go out into the world.  You in Me, and I in you.  Remember this.”

Jan 29, 2010 – Infusion

Jan 30, 2010 – Infusion… I meld into Him and He asks me to look through His eyes.  To see myself.  He TELLS me what I see … someone who is sorrowful, strives to do good, but who falls short because I hear, then doubt my ability to carry out His commands, then push it far back in my mind, but I still hear.  He wants me to see this, to understand He is frustrated with me, yet sees my good and will not stop speaking to and pushing me to do what HE AND I KNOW is mine to do.

Jan 31, 2010 – “Take refuge in my arms, Martha.  You doubt; you are scared to do my will.” (I am not scared to write, as you tell me, for my own sake.  But, who am I that you should want to use me to speak to others?”) “You are MY daughter, Martha.  And what daughter does not speak out on behalf of her own Father?”

 

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