Journey Through The Stillness – August, 2010
August 3, 2010 – I enter into The Stillness and Jesus is there. He cups my chin in His hand and tilts my face up to His. He is smiling broadly and says, “Welcome back, daughter! And, “How did you like my gift? Was it not truly magnificent?” I feel I should apologize for being gone from Him, for the times I did not enter into The Stillness, and yet, I know it is not necessary, for truly, He was there with me. Once again He reminds me of The 23rd Psalm … “He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul.”
August 4, 2010 – At the very start of The Stillness I find the hands of Christ on each of my shoulders. The nail marks are visible as He brings my upper body down upon my knees as in prior Stillness. I feel my lungs being crushed and my breathing is literally stunted. My hands, folded within as usual, have gone numb beneath the pressure. I realize that I have not shared His pain of late and so I thank Him for letting me be a part of it again. I let Him know I am willing. I am like this for awhile, thanking and loving Him for all He has done in my name, and in love for all mankind. He gently brings me upright and The Stillness ends. Again, I must just sit for a bit before I can begin to write.
(Personal thoughts – He loves us all, each and every one of us just as we are. I am humbled to the core, for I am well aware of the sinner I am, the sinner I continue to be, and still, He comes to me.)
August 5, 2010 – The Majesty, Grandeur, Magnificence of God, The Father, is all around me. I bow my head and say, “God, Father, do not look upon me for I am but an unworthy ant, upon whom your Son has deigned to look with love. Even in my unworthiness He has deigned to bestow upon me special graces. I do not deserve even your slightest gaze.” I sit in this majesty for a few minutes and then God says, “Martha. My Spirit, My Son, and I are as ONE. What one does cannot be separated from the whole. Think of your right hand, your left hand, your mouth. Can what any of these do or say be disconnected from the body? The Trinity is as such. What each does is connected to the whole, to Me, for I AM.”
(Personal thoughts – I am in awe, as usual. I have just been given a most simple view or explanation of The Trinity, Three Persons in One God, to pass on to all. My prayer is that I am relating His messages as He intends them to be, that their meaning is clear, that I add nothing of myself into them.)
August 6, 2010 – My Birthday – Jesus is here, smiling. He draws me up and into Him. At once my heart is aching that familiar ache that I long for, and yet haven’t felt as intensely physical, for some time. It is His GIFT. Then my Guardian Angel is here and wraps herself around us. The feelings within me are intense and alternate between the longing ache and complete security and fulfillment. Then I am sitting on the edge of the bed again. I realize that my feet are not touching the ground. I open my eyes and look down. They are about an inch off the floor! Closing my eyes again I realize they are beginning to lift higher and I am NOT doing it. Slowly, over about a minute, they lift. I open my eyes every few seconds to see. As they are elevated to straight out, my back begins to lower as slowly as my feet came up, until I am fully down on the bed. But, my legs from the knees down are straight out in the air! I ask, “Lord, what is this? What are we doing?” He is silent. I cannot move to get up or to lower my legs. I am not in control of my body and I ask again, “Lord, tell me please, what this is about? Am I in a coffin? Am I going to begin to see my loved ones mourning over me?” Now I am getting anxious and He finally says, “Martha, this is about control. You wrote a prayer a little bit ago in your prayer time. Now you see that I have the power over you, and I see that you are willing to let Me control you completely, if need be. Do not be frightened and do not question so much. Just be; be with Me.” Now He is before me face to face. He says, “My Child.” And, I feel as a little girl, curious and excited.
(Personal thoughts – Once again I was thinking how am I ever to write this down? When I begin, it flows so fast I can barely keep up! I do not know what to expect each time I go into The Stillness, but I do know to TRUST in Him and the outcome.) (P.S. Just an aside: Whenever I lie down on my bed my cat, Shadow, immediately climbs on top of me and lays down. He was here, on my pillow, during all of this and did not make one move toward me! In fact, both are here. One is purring beside me, and the other is curled up on the pillow.)
The prayer He was referring to: You own me, My God, mind, body, and soul. I am Thine, and it is Thine I wish to be. I beg of You, Lord, make my heart like unto Thine, and then, do with me as Thou wilt. For Thou art The Way, The Truth, and The Life, and Thine is The Kingdom and The Glory forever. Amen.
August 7, 2010 – We are going for a walk. At times He is holding my hand; at times His arm is around me. We are going slowly; it is very calming. I realize we are back in Canada walking along Vermilion Lakes. While it is not the most beautiful scenery we saw there, marshy but with a mountain backdrop, it is very peaceful. We came to a bench along the lake’s edge. We sit. His arm is around me. He does not speak and neither do I. We sit in this silence for some time. He sees my heart is troubled and allows me to feel His Sacred Heart within me. Then He says, “Do not be ready to act too quickly. Sometimes you must give time for the way to clear. I have heard your prayers and they WILL be answered, but remember, the way and the timing are to be left with me. You will know when to act on what is troubling you, Martha for I will be there to lead the way. Be patient, not just with Me, but with yourself and others. Bide the time living IN Me and loving Through Me. If you find yourself impatient, or wanting to take control, bring your mind to a place such as this and CLAIM the peace of the earth all around you. Ask Me. I will come with you, and we will not leave until you are ready.” He smiles and The Stillness is over.
August 8, 2010 – Jesus, of The Sacred Heart, is before me again. He says, “Martha, in your devotion to My Sacred Heart your desire is great and your prayers are many. Where is your action? You share these words with others, as I have asked of you. You share yourself, your love, and your compassion with all you come in contact with, but remember, Martha, there is to be more. Keep your eyes and your ears open. As I have said, “Be ready. You will know by my leading what is yours to do. Do not grow idle; be ever vigilant lest Satan steals all from you.”
August 9, 2010 – Jesus, my Savior, my Lord, is here standing over me, arms outstretched. A fierce, turbulent wind is battering Him and He stands against it in strength. He says, “I am not just your resting, infusing place, Martha. I am your fortress. Within Me you are safe. The evil one has been battering you with many clubs. He seeks out your weakness. Bring all within my fortress, and offer all up to my Father. Fortify not only yourself, but your loved ones as well, with constant, sincere prayer. I see. I hear. Then, when you are completely spent, turn in love toward Me and I will engulf you and yours. I will give you rest then.”
(Personal thoughts – The battle is never ending. I am learning that weariness and tiredness in the ‘good’ fight are also tools of the devil. We must be ever vigilant, on guard, keeping our eyes on Him, The ONE who truly loves us. Only through Him can we persevere and overcome.)
August 10, 2010 – Jesus, my Shepherd, is here today and He has brought a huge flock. In fact the sheep are everywhere; all over my room and Jesus is smiling. I say, “I see you have brought the flock with you today!” He says, “Yes, Martha, what better way to send you forth for the day … with love and joy in your heart and a smile on your face! I could see that you were joyful this morning and I decided to reinforce you for the day! Now go, enjoy your day!”
(Personal thoughts – As I was about to enter into The Stillness my kittys were very present – one lying on her side right up against my hip, and the other on top of the bed pillows. Both were purring and settling in for what they know is the routine. They remind me of the sheep, so I looked up at my figurine of The Shepherd and the three sheep and smiled. My inner joy today comes partly from a day of rejuvenation yesterday – prayer, exercise, and time spent in my art room painting a little, and making myself a fabric bulletin board for artwork! It has been a long time since I was able to spend time in there. He knew I needed it!)
August 11, 2010 – I will call him My Suffering Lord. He stands before me, not yet crucified, but beaten, scourged, and crowned with thorns. He holds a reed in His hand. My head is bowed, but I know He stands before me. After a few minutes He lifts my chin so that I must look at His face, and He says, “Look at Me, see Me. There are many suffering like Me, and for Me, throughout the world. Their sufferings must not be in vain. As you pray, Martha, remember them, and ask Our Father to grant them strength, courage, and even greater faith. Wherever there is suffering, especially in my name, there is need of prayer. NO ONE can say they have nothing to do. NO ONE can say they have not been CALLED, for ALL are called upon to be vessels of prayer.”
(Personal thoughts – Anyone feeling left out? Not anymore! He needs, no, He commands us to pray. Pray for others; pray for ourselves. It begins with a single prayer.)
August 12, 2010 – Today it is Jesus as I have known Him from the very beginning, my heavily robed, Jesus. He takes me onto His lap where I can lean my head and rest on His shoulder. As I do, I am going through my list of issues, my concerns, my perceived problems, and they are many. As I do this, one by one they melt away. Whether they are about my body, my health, my emotional hurts, my to do list, my inadequacies, my failures, my faults, my sins, my hopes and fears about myself or my loved ones and friends, one by one they slough off to the floor and I am empty. And then He fills me. He fills me with His compassion, His comfort, His peace, His joy, His love. Now I am going through a quite different list. It is one of blessings, of hopes and desires fulfilled, of gifts of love received, of security, of faith. And when I rise from His lap, I am lifting up thoughts and praises of thanksgiving. I am strong and the world waits. I am ready to go forth with Him at my side, with Him IN me, for I am in Him and He is in me.
(Personal thoughts – This is available to ALL, if they will but come to Him. Who wouldn’t want this for themselves? Lord, help me to lead the way. Questions anyone? Please ask!)
August 13, 2010 – “I love you, Martha. Let your heart be filled with joy. Remember, Martha that I told you to bring people to you with your smile, your joy, and keep them there with my love. You must guard this inner joy, this peace in the knowledge of Me. You must guard it at all costs for it is the core of your entire mission, the reason I have chosen you for the purpose I have chosen you. Let no one take it from you; NO ONE! Do not let the weight of the responsibility you feel towards others drag you down. I will provide whatever is needed when it is needed. You must fight to stay with Me. Let Me be in charge of the outcome. Spend some time focusing on that which brings you joy. Take time to live in your own inner joy and you will be strong once again to go forward. Remember, you must love yourself if you are to give yourself to others. You must feel you are worth giving. Learn this and it will come easier. You are my child.”
August 14, 2010 – After entering into The Stillness I say to My Lord, “Lord, if you have something to say to me, that I need to hear, do so, for today I am in a desert.” He says, “Martha, Martha, You cannot bend others according to your will, nor can you force them to see The Light. It is their journey, their path, their fight to win or lose. The BEST you can do is live your journey and be a witness, an example, and then, the MOST you can do is pray sincerely for those you wish to know Me better. Ask and you shall receive; Knock and the door will be opened. And then, Martha, the GREATEST thing you can do is to love them as they are and where they are in their journey. Can you do this?”
(Personal thoughts – It hurts me to see others hurting, especially when I know that they don’t have to hurt, that they are choosing to hurt. I have always wanted to make everything right for everyone else, but I am learning to let go, and let God.)
August 16, 2010 – Today, by the time I enter into The Stillness, I am crying those tears of remorse, guilt, and helplessness for the sinner that I am. I ask if He is there and call myself a wretched sinner. He places His hands on my head leaning me into His robe. He says, “There, there, Daughter. These tears, and guilt, are so unnecessary.” And I say, “But, Lord, I must.” Then He says, “I know. You are you. Your cries are heard and your prayers are received. In fact, so much so, that you have rallied special support from Mary and your Guardian Angel. They have been right there beside you imploring my help. I cannot refuse a request made through the tears of all three of you!” I say, “Oh, Lord, my request is not for myself, but for those I love, and I would not ask if it were just for me.” He says, “I know this, Martha, and that is why it is even more difficult to refuse. You are right to put your TRUST in Me. You are right to implore the intercessions of Mary and your Angel. Now, can you LEAVE your request in my hands? If so, all will be well.”
(Personal thoughts – Whenever I make a request of Him on behalf of those I love, I feel so inadequate to make such a request because of the sinner that I am. I have never felt comfortable asking our Lord for anything concerning myself or a specific request. When I do, I feel I must first beg forgiveness for my sinfulness and then present my request. The hardest part is leaving it with Him and not trying to force an outcome according to my own plan! I trust in you, Oh, Lord, for you have me in your Heart.)
Here is one of the prayers I prayed earlier imploring Mary’s help:
The Memorare to The Blessed Virgin
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known
that any one who fled to they protection, implored thy help,
and sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this
confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;
to thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful;
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions;
But in thy clemency hear and answer me.
There is also a very similar Memorare to the Sacred Heart of Jesus that I also pray on a regular basis. It is an unbelievable feeling of hope and security to know that through these prayers I am never unheard, unaided, or abandoned!
August 17, 2010 – I feel my hand being nudged by one of the Sheep. As I open my eyes and my hand to reach out and pet him I see His sandaled feet. I look up and He stands towering above me, with His arms folded across His chest, and staring down at me. He says, “Martha, Martha. It is one step forward and one step backward with you, which means we are staying in the same place! You must grow with Me. I can see that you much prefer sitting at my feet, praying and basking in my love. But you must go forward from here and share what you know to be TRUE; ME. How will you grow if you keep on worrying about your worthiness and feeling guilty about your transgressions? My disciples were not perfect. They were far from it. You were not born without sin, such as Mary, but you ARE CHOSEN by Me to carry my message in a special way. Do not put blinders on so that you cannot see where I need you to go and what I need you to do. I have allowed you to become comfortable in this daily routine only to strengthen you. Listen with your heart to My Heart within you. You will know what to do.”
(Personal thoughts – He does not let me sit idle for long before He admonishes me and calls me outside of my comfort zone to do His bidding. I will say this, my comfort zone “aint” what it used to be! He has kneaded and stretched it from a tight little ball of dough to a full size, large pizza pan. Now I guess it is time for the toppings! I must begin, again, to pay better attention to the urgings, promptings, and hunger pangs within, so that I may “grow with Him” in the ways He leads me.)
August 18, 2010 – My Guardian Angel is here and enfolds me within her wings. My heart is sorely aching within. As I sit in the serenity and warmth that is my Angel I begin to see fleeting images of others. I do not know them. Then I feel as if I need to offer them up in prayer and do so. When I am finished my Angel opens up her wings and The Stillness is over.
August 19, 2010 – He is here and I am asking Him, “What is mine to do?” He says simply, “Breathe Me IN, breathe OUT confusion and the devil.” I do this a few times. I begin to see that He has a message He wants shared with others, especially with older children, young adults. It has to do with becoming the best version of yourself and it is from two books I have been reading in. That is The Stillness today, but I am left with many thoughts running rampant in my mind. (Personal thoughts – This will take some thought and planning on my part. If it is headed where I think, it is beginning to make perfect sense. I have always been at my best when working with children and young adults.)
August 20, 2010 – “Pay attention to the leadings, insights, and urges that have been crossing your mind, Martha. Yes, many are from Me, but some are not. Remember the evil one is ever lurking, waiting to interject into a situation and gain advantage, control. Also, remember, to sift through and make sure your own imagination does not take over excitedly and run rampant with ideas. Take time to carefully think through all ideas you consider to be mine. If they are truly mine you will be able to see several steps ahead very clearly. There will be a confidence, a feeling of successful outcome even before you begin. Bring all questions, concerns and doubts before Me. Don’t be in a hurry. All will be as I plan if you are willing and pay attention.”
(Personal thoughts – He knows me so well. Once given an idea my mind races ahead with how to’s and what if’s. Sometimes I need to let things percolate to see how they present themselves, moreover, how He presents them!)
August 22, 2010 – I go into The Stillness and immediately ideas begin flashing across my mind; so much so, that I must stop to jot them down on paper. It happens again. The third time I say to Jesus, “I just want to be with you, Lord; please let me be with you” He answers, “I know this, Martha, and it pleases me so. Remember, though, that I need you out there working for Me. I need you doing battle for souls. There are so many lost, hurting souls out there who are not finding Me, are not hearing Me, in the traditional ways. I am leading you to where I want you to be. You know when the ideas are from Me. Take your time to do them right, but do them. You will see. Do not be afraid for I am there with you.”
August 23, 2010 – I struggle today. I am there, then I am not. This goes on for some time. He says, “I am here; you are not, though.” I fight by picturing His pierced hands. He holds them out to me. They are horribly scarred and the nail puncture, while sealed over, is till a deep blood red. I soothe them with my fingertips. He says, “These are the hands into which you place all, Martha. These are the hands of which they sing, He has the whole world in His hands. These are the hands you have put your TRUST into.” I know this, I am humbled and thankful to be in such loving, sacrificing hands.
August 24, 2010 – Jesus, My Shepherd, is here with the sheep. He says, “Martha, come on in and just be part of the flock for a bit. I know it is hard to be called out on your own. I would not ask it of you if I didn’t already know you could do it. Think on this. Let it sink in. Then, go forward with what I am asking unafraid. Step out in faith. All you need will be there waiting. It is that first step that is the hardest. Remember when you stepped out onto facebook? Wasn’t I there leading the way? The first step leads to the next, and so on. You want to know ALL the steps before you take the first one. This is not my way. My WAY IS TRUST.”
(Personal thoughts – I believe I know the next step and am presently researching it. I have learned to move slowly, to let it percolate before I begin. He is letting me know I am on the right track and when it is His time I will step out once again! Sometimes He has to convince me, but He knows I cannot refuse Him.)
August 25, 2010 – I am seated very upright today, not slouchy as usual! When I go to bow my head as He comes to me, I cannot. There is a great light from overhead. God’s Hands are outstretched above the light. It is emanating from beneath His arms and radiating outward to completely surround me. My head tilts backward and my mouth fully opens. I feel my head being tilted back as far as it will go. I am not in control and cannot move it forward. Then He speaks. “Martha, I speak my words into you. What I speak must flow out from you. My words must be delivered to others, to as many as you can reach. The words of life are in you. You know what to do.” My head comes back upright and I am still sitting very erect and very deep in thought for a few minutes before coming out of The Stillness.
(Personal thoughts – I have always asked my Lord to show me ‘what is mine to do’. I cannot ask for guidance, receive it, and then ignore it. I will not even address my head tilting back and my mouth opening. I KNOW; I believe. I must leave all of you in His capable, loving hands.)
August 26, 2010 – My heavily robed Jesus is before me almost jumping with enthusiasm. He says, “Martha, what shall we do today? You have this grand and glorious day stretched out before you! I know you have obligations and responsibilities, but what shall we do with your unspoken for time?” He sees me sitting here a little puzzled. He says, “You feel I am sending you mixed messages don’t you? I tell you that you know what to do, and then I tell you to go slowly and be sure. I tell you that you must act and then I tell you to spend time in what brings you joy! Can’t you see that it is all part of my leading? To KNOW my will; to prayerfully ask for my approval; to act in my timing will all bring you to your inner joy. When you live in Me and are about my business for your life you are happiest! You are trying very hard to be the person I want you to be and I am very pleased by this. You, and I, know you can do even better. Test everything through Me.”
August 27, 2010 – He says, “I can see that today you are tired, that today you have something on your mind. Remember, Martha, BRING it here to Me, then LEAVE it here with Me. I sit; my heart is physically aching this morning. After a moment I am led down into the bent in half position and the weight of the cross is on me. He says, “Here, Martha. I give you a share of the weight of sins. I went through all of this so you can bring it here and leave it here. Leave all at the foot of The Cross. Here it is finished.” I am in this position for some time and when I rise back up, I just sit. My breathing this time is very shallow, almost as if I am NOT breathing, as if I do not NEED to breathe. In fact, as I am writing this it is still that way and my heart is aching within me. He says, “Martha, do not anguish over your influence on others. Bring each to Me, and some, you can only bring to Me in prayer and then leave them with Me. I will not let you lead others astray. Say only what you know to be true, only what comes from Me.”
(Personal thoughts – my thoughts are just that … my thoughts, and sometimes must remain so.)
August 30, 2010 – Today I am here and He is here, and yet I am having some trouble with thoughts that keep trying to break through and disrupt. He says to me, “Breathe. Breathe Me in and confusion out.” I begin to do so, at first normal inhale and exhale while thinking about and repeating His words. I breathe Him in and breathe out the devil and confusion. After repeating the breaths and words over and over, I begin to inhale and exhale much longer and deeper, and very calmly, still repeating ‘breathe Me in, breathe out the devil and confusion! After a few minutes I feel as one with Him. When all is over I feel renewed, yet physically tired, needing to rest. I realize He is wanting me to do just that. He is restoring me.
August 31, 2010 – There is much on my mind today and it seems as if there is nothing in The Stillness. I say to Him, “I come, Lord, no matter what, please don’t forsake me.” He lets me know that I must come, and yet, there will be gray days; days where I do not feel anything. He says, “But still, you must come.” So I sit. After a moment or two my own thoughts creep in, so I lift up in prayer my loved ones, again, as they come to mind. Then I quietly go forth.