October, 2010

Journey Through The Stillness – October, 2010

 October 1, 2010 – At the hospital very early for Turner’s colonoscopy.  I lift him up in prayer to Our Lord.  Going into The Stillness there is so much activity and noise going on around me that I just sit with Our Lord.  He looks at me and I look at Him.  I feel absorbed into Him and His loving arms are around me.  We wait in The Stillness for some time.  He knows my heart and I know His.  I sit in His love knowing Turner is also in His love.

 October 2, 2010 – It is Jesus of The Sacred Heart before me, Heart exposed.  As my heart begins to twinge with the familiar ache He says, “The world knows Me not as I truly am.  They cringe in fear of my power, hide from Me in guilt, shy away from Me in cowardice, or deny my very existence.  Yes, my love and mercy are endless, and yes, they sometimes are embedded in my wrath; for do I not have reason for righteous anger?  I know my sheep and my sheep know Me, but the evil one is always there trying to steal them away.  And then there are those who do not know Me, yet I am everywhere in the their midst.  How dare anyone prevent them from coming to Me.  How dare anyone lead my true sheep astray.  They will surely answer to Me!  Still, I love and desire even them.  I long to forgive the, and welcome them home.  If only they will glance away from the evil in their hearts and see my Heart of Love.”

     He is very indignant and adamant today.  He is angry, but not at me.  I also see sadness at the loss of souls who CHOOSE evil over Him and His Love.  My heart is heavy for Him.

 October 4, 2010 – My heavily robed Jesus greets me.  He sees my tiredness already from the day.  He bids me lean on Him and I do.  While there I know no fear, just complete rest and support.  I long to stay this way but know I cannot.  There is still much more to this day.

 October 5, 2010 – My heart is aching with love of Him and pounding with the realization that I am working on His plan … for what is next … for what is mine to do!  He is before me, pacing excitedly, relating to me things I am to accomplish.  He is full of ideas Himself.  I actually have to interrupt The Stillness to jot down notes!  When I return He is smiling and saying, “You see, Martha.  It is coming together.  You are following my commands and you are seeing it come to fruition.  It has been a struggle, but I told you that you would be able to do it.  Continue on. You will know when!”

 October 6, 2010 – It is a happy day for it is Jesus My Shepherd with sheep all around us.  He says, “Yes, Martha.  It is a happy day when my flock is gathered around Me.  Remember, though, things are not as the world would have you think they are.  The world would tell you that I AM not.  If I AM not then the world is not, but they refuse to discern this within their own hearts and minds.  They listen to the world, the evil one, because if I AM not, it is easier for them.  If I AM, they are accountable for themselves and each other, and for the world.  For those who CHOOSE to believe I AM, I have great rewards.  Living in MY WILL means Life Eternal.  Some are waiting for show and tell … then it will be too late.  Tell them this, child; tell them all not to wait, but to come to Me now!”

 October 7, 2010 – It is the voice of God The Almighty in all His glory.  He says with great authority, “The world hears Me not!  I have given them my Beloved Son, and still they refuse to listen.  They do not want to hear.  They do not want to change.  They want to continue on in their sinful ways.  I tell you now that it will not go easy on them.  There will be a horrible price to pay.  They will cry out but it will be too late!  Tell all, Martha, to get down on their knees before Me, before my Crucified Son and pray for themselves, pray for the world.  Pray the “Prayer Before A Crucifix, Pray the Our Father.  Pray for forgiveness and seek my Divine Mercy on ALL.  Implore the Love of My Sacred Heart and seek out Mary’s intercession and the intercession of All the Angels and Saints; for the time is near.  Pray for all those you love and those you don’t love.  Ingratiate all to me through your prayers and sacrifices; implore Me to have Mercy on ALL.  Make ready yourselves and all you can.  Be vigilant.  Guard your souls.  I AM THE GOD OF LIFE, AND DEATH!  Hear Me, Believe Me, Live and Die in Me that you may have Life Eternal.”

(Personal thoughts – I will tell you that I felt and urgent need.  I felt compelled.  I immediately got on my knees and prayed EXACTLY how He ordered:  Prayer Before A Crucifix; Our Father; Forgiveness for my sins and for the whole world; The Divine Mercy Chaplet; Implored The Sacred Heart; Implored Mary along with all the Angels and Saints to intercede on my behalf, my  loved ones’ behalf, your behalf, all those dying this day and at this moment; and on behalf of all souls, the whole world.

My prayer to The Sacred Heart:  “I implore you Lord, through your Most Loving Sacred Heart that wrought our salvation, to make my heart like unto thine, to look with love and mercy on myself, all those I love, and on the whole world.  I implore you to forgive each of us our sins, to keep us safe and free from all evil, so that we may live in salvation and Life Eternal with You.” 

If I am being warned, I am being called to action.  I pray that everyone is.

 October 8, 2010 – “You know I am here, child.  I am here because you are here.  You are confused but you are learning.  The attacks are coming relentlessly from every direction, yet you are staying the course, following my directives.  Your strength for yourself and your loved ones lies in Me alone.  You know this, you have seen this.  No one else can bring you through it all.  Turn to Me as you do.  I will be your El Shaddai, your SUPPLY in ALL your needs.  I will be your El Roi, for I SEE ALL.  I am your Elohim who was in THE BEGINNING, the BREATH of LIFE.  I spoke, The SPIRIT moved and all things were created through Christ, Jesus.  In US is The Light of The World, The Alpha and The Omega.  I AM!”

(My thoughts – I CHOOSE the Alpha and The Omega, for In Him there is no end, only Life Eternal.)

 October 9, 2010 – As always, when my heavily robed Jesus appears.  I draw so near to Him that we become as one.  I am in Him and He is in me.  He is always pleased when I long to be with Him just to be, not to ask, not to need, but just to be.

 October 10, 2010 – Jesus of The Sacred Heart is before me.  He says, “My heart is within you, Martha, but you must look within to find it, to feel it.  You must love as I do, unselfishly.  Give of yourself even when you feel there is nothing left to give.  It is then I will complete your giving through Me.  You cannot fail when you give through My Heart within you.  Know this and persevere.  Offer it all up to Me.”

 October 11, 2010 – It is my heavily robed Jesus today.  At once we are walking along in a crowded city of His time, Jerusalem.  I follow along very close because people are everywhere.  I ask, “What is it you want me to see, Lord?  Where are we going?”  He stops and turns to me.  “You have eyes.  See.”  He turns and continues on.  As we go I begin to look about rather than just worry about staying with Him.  I see people, not just the ones thronging around us, but beyond them, the ones too fearful to come forward.  They crouch, they cower, they cast their eyes downward.  They hug the walls of the city.  Their eyes say “He did not come for me.  There is no room in that crowd for someone like me.  If He really knew what I have done, what I am capable of, He would not let me near Him.’  I continue to look trying to meet their gazes.  I want to say to them, “See if I am with Him, if He lets me near Him, He will you too.”  I want to say, “Come. Come near, you will see, you will feel, you will know love again in your life.  If you have never known love, then will know it now.  Come!  Come to the ONE who is LOVE.”

Once we return, Jesus says to me, “I know you saw, Martha.  There are many who believe and spend all their time with only those who do believe.  Oh, but there are so many more who don’t believe, or who are frightened to believe because they feel they don’t deserve it.  If you believe, child, then these are the ones you should be spending time with.  They need believers amongst them to show them the way.  They need to be loved all the way to Me!”

(After The Stillness I turned on the TV to EWTN to immediately hear these words, “It is part of the duty of a believer to set good example and give an account of his faith.”  Then later in the same program these words, “We have to keep doing our part to bring Christ to the world who is waiting and looking for Him.”  Wow, talk about Jesus reinforcing His message in The Stillness to me!)

 October 12, 2010 – Jesus of The Sacred Heart says to me, “I see you are concerned over how slowly what I have asked you to do I s progressing, especially when apart from The Stillness your world, your life, is moving at a very hectic pace.  Remember, child, the timing is mine.  All will be as I say in good time, in My time.  Continue to progress as you can in the time you have.  Remember I see, I know your efforts in this regard.”

(Personal thoughts – He is referring to “something” I am working on for Him that seems to be taking me a long time to do because of other things that must take priority, because they are of His name also.  Since I am doing His will I must be patient.)

 October 13, 2010 – Today I am taken down to the bent in half position, arms within, cheek on knee.  I feel the weight and pray offering up all to Our Lord on behalf of all sinners.  This lasts for about ten minutes, after which I am thoroughly exhausted.  This day will belong to Him.

 October 14, 2010 – Today I am the lost soul.  I come before Him totally spent.  I never like to ask for anything for myself, but today I have no choice.  I am sinking fast and I realize that He is my only recourse, my only help.  I beg Him for strength, wisdom, and courage to do the things I must, to be the person He so wants me to be.  He takes me to Him at once.  I am just there against His chest, in His arms.  He just lets me be.  My mind is racing, and yet it is numb.  Then He says to me, “Who would you rather be?”  The question is quite profound!  For you see, the minute I answer that I’d want to be me and no one else, I have to cease all the complaining, all the woe is me, and get on with it!  I guess I just needed to know someone was listening, someone cared, and that someone was Him, my Lord and Savior.

Prayer:  Father in Heaven, I offer up to You all that I am, and all that I am not.  I offer up to You my desire to be all that I can be, all that You want me to be.  And in doing so, I know that I can and will do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Amen.

This is unreal, but like earlier this week, I turned on the TV to EWTN and there was Mother Angelica discussing Mark, Chapter 5, where Jesus calms the storm.  She says the apostles questioned Jesus asking Him if He cared.  She said their attitude, after all the miracles they had witnessed, should have been that nothing would happen to them.  They were not going to drown.  They might have to fight through the storm to the shore, but they were not going down because Jesus was in the boat.  It may appear that we are getting lost on our way, but if we know Jesus, and love Jesus, and we try to please Jesus, we will never be lost, for He will always be there.  Wow, again.  I believe He literally sent this message to me today … He is in my boat.

 October 15, 2010 – We are walking again, this time down dusty, dirty streets, but instead of sheep we are surrounded by dusty, dirty little children.  They are happy, lively children following along just to be near Him, just for the fun of it.  Jesus says to me, “You see, Martha, this is how it should be.  All should be as these little children are … happy just to be near Me.  You will say to Me that this is hard for so many people, for so many people are suffering so greatly in their lives.  I say, child, that they must set this suffering aside, if only for a moment.  They must set their suffering at the foot of The Cross, and then come to Me, if only for a moment.  When they do, they will KNOW relief, if only for a moment.  Then they will want to return again and again to know that respite, that momentary relief.  If they come again and again, only for a moment, it will eventually grow into much more than they could have ever imagined.  Tell them to come, child.  Tell them to come to Me, for I AM the relief they seek.”

 October 16, 2010 – I fight very hard today to be in The Stillness.  My Jesus of The Sacred Heart is before me.  He gently places His sacrifice wounded hands on my shoulders and says, “My child your faith is simple; your heart is simple; your mind is complicated.  It is your mind you must conquer.  It is in your mind where sin occurs.  Seek to control it and you will win the battle.  Focus on Me, especially when the mind seeks otherwise.”

 October 18, 2010 – In The Stillness I am taken down to the bent in half position where I stay until I can no longer breathe.  On returning to the upright position I hear Him say, “It is good, for you owe Me.”  I know I do.  The sinner in me is completely humbled.  I offer up all that I am and all that I do this day to Him in reparation for my sins and on behalf of all sinners.

 October 19, 2010 – I see the nail driven through His feet and the nails driven through His wrists.  Then I see the sword piercing His Most Loving Sacred Heart; the Heart which wrought my salvation.  I say to Him, “Lord how can I ever repay You?  How can I ever repay such love, such sacrifice on my behalf?”  He answers, “The price has already been paid.  I paid the price.  Your response is to love; love Me and love all I send you.  In loving, you will live in my will; you will reap the rewards of Life Eternal.  Remember this.  True love, love that is of Me, does not sin.  So go, love, and sin no more.”

 October 20, 2010 – Today I seem to be asking Him lots of questions including what does He want me to do.  He finally says, “I want you to be still.  Be still, and know that I am God.  When I am finally still He bends me down in half again.  Once there I begin to offer it up for all the souls in Purgatory, for all sinners.  I am this way for a long time today until He finally releases me.  As usual I am totally spent and must just sit there for a few minutes before I begin to write.  Even then it is hard.  I offer it all up to you, Oh Lord.

 October 21, 2010 – Today is different.  As I am entering into The Stillness I am saying, “Just let me continue to be a vessel of prayer for others, Lord, not for me; not for me.”  I will myself to be still, to be strong.  I ask, “Do you want me to pray for myself?  Is it selfish to do so?  Am I only to pray for others?  I must know, Lord.  I will stay here until I do.”  My eyes are fixed on His.  I cannot look away.  I need Him to see me.  I look to My Shepherd.  He is holding the lamb in His arms.  I just want to be that lamb!  I begin to write and as I do I am wondering where the writing will lead me today.  As always I am led to the only answer to every question:  OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST.  I know in my heart that He has known greater suffering and pain than I could ever even begin to imagine.  So my prayer for myself is:  Lord, take me by the hand and heart and lead me where thou wishes me to be.  You are my courage and my strength.  My hope lies in you alone.  Take away my doubts and fears.  Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief.  All glory, honor and praise are yours now and forever.  Amen.

 October 22, 2010 – As I enter into The Stillness, as usual, I am saying, “Yes, Lord, I will be Still, for you ARE God.”  Only today, I add, “…and I must admit, Lord, that scares me a little.”  He says to me, “And why so today, child?”  I tell Him, “It is control, Lord.  I know I am not in control, that I cannot pick and choose what will happen to me.”  He says, “Yet you have been so good at relinquishing control and allowing my will for your life.  Why is it so hard for you now?”  I know He knows the answer, but I also know He wants me to lay it on the table before Him and then to drop it at His feet, and I do.  He also knows that after dropping it at the foot of The Cross I might just drag it along with me for a ways until I am tired of it.  Then I will truly put it there and leave it there. It is a process.  I am working on it.  For now it is enough for Him.  He says, “Go in peace, child.  Don’t drag it too far.  There is no need to.  I am here, always.”

 October 23, 2010 – Jesus says to me, “Martha, Martha, put your trust in Me.  You have trusted Me in so many things and now you must in this also.  Put your trust in Me for this and you will see that I am all that you need.  I will be there with you.  I will be there for you.  Can you do this?”  I answer Him, “Yes, Lord, I do trust you.  It is the fear that is hard to set aside.  I trust, yet, I fear.”  Jesus answers me, “Continue to trust, child.  Continue to trust, and the trust will overcome the fear.”

 October 24, 2010 – “Fight fear, daughter.  You have no need of fear for I am with you.  My Heart is within you.”  I say, “Is it, Lord?  Is it still?”  “Yes, daughter, it is.”  I feel my heart aching that wonderful ache at this point.  He says, “Yes.  You are mine.  I am in you and you are in Me.  Now go, and have no fear.”

 October 25, 2010 – “Ah, well done, my child.  Of late your actual entrance into The Stillness has become just that, a routine, a means to an end.  It is wise that you recognize this and do not let it be so.  I am your Lord.  When you say, ‘for You are God’, remember exactly what this means.  Relinquish control anew each and every time you enter The Stillness. It is not something to be rushed through.  It must be honest; real; intimate.  It is between servant and Master, created and Creator.  And then, remember it is between beloved and Lover, breath and Life.  Never take this for granted, but know it is ever there for the asking.  Ask and ye shall receive.”

Prayer:  My Lord, and My God, I lay my life before you.  I consecrate to You my heart, body, and soul.  I am thine and thine I wish to be.  Therefore, I will fear nothing; for evil cannot conquer, cannot overcome those that live in and through You, My Lord, and My God.  Amen

 October 26, 2010 – “You are as a child.  Your faith is so simple.  If this; then this.  Don’t you see now that there can be so many ‘in betweens’?  Do not predict Me; TRUST Me.  Simple faith, simple trust; that is what I ask of you.”

 October 27, 2010 – He comes and takes me to Him.  I am cradled in His arms and He is carrying me.  We come to a beautiful place where He sets me down at the base of a huge oak tree next to a beautiful stream.  He says, “Rest,” and leaves.  I feel the strength of the oak and the peace of the gentle breeze.  I hear the water softly rippling by and lapping against the edge. I am lost in total peace.  When I come into reality, He is there.  I am holding a beautiful yellow daisy.  He brings me back home, and says, “Be at peace with all in your life.”

     Knowing my children’s three personal Bible verses that I gave each of them growing up, I am completely in awe.  I have been cradled, carried, and told to be at peace by Our Lord (Christina’s- Numbers 6:24-26).  I have rested by the strong tree planted near the water (Craig’s- Jeremiah 17:7-8), and I have waited upon the Lord where He placed me (Keith’s- Isaiah 40:31).  And then, I have been given a yellow daisy, which was my Mom’s favorite flower!  God is Good.

 October 28, 2010 – As I enter into The Stillness and saying, “Yes, Lord, I will be still, for You are God,” and I add, “You are The God of Answered Prayer.”  He says, “Yes, Martha, I AM.  You know this.  You pay attention.  So many pray and then take control or don’t see the answer immediately.  Then they believe the prayers are unanswered or even unheard.  Every prayer is heard.  Every prayer is answered.  Some things take time to work out in the best possible way for everyone.  Remember, we are not dealing with wants and desires; we are dealing with souls, with bringing souls home to Everlasting Life.  It is a delicate dance because all souls are intertwined, connected.  What affects one also affects many.  Your prayer for one person’s success may mean another person’s failure, who is also praying for success.  If people would only realize this; pray for the best outcome, and then leave it in my control.  Remember I work all out to the good, especially for the souls who live in Me and love only Me as their God.

 October 29, 2010 – Today my heavily robed Jesus places His hands in blessing on my head, just as always, at the start of The Stillness.  However, we never move beyond this.  My eyes are closed and I begin to see, darkly obscured, a pair of eyes, one at a time.  I ask Him who’s eyes they are.  He says, “Mary’s.”  We continue to just be here.  Overtime everything brightens, still with my eyes closed.  I realize that the pressure in my head is gone for now, and it is a welcome relief.  When I return from The Stillness I thank Him, and offer up my day to Him.

Posted on fb with above entry 11/8/10:  Here I must give an explanation of sorts … Along with my thyroid Graves Disease I have Thyroid Eye Disease. However, when investigating further they found I also have a malfunction of some of the veins and arteries leading from the brain to the eyes. To make a long story short, as a result, I have a lot of pressure in my head and it had been building. I can honestly say that since the date of the above Stillness I have not had the pressure. I have all my other symptoms, but the pressure has been gone! It makes a huge difference in my everyday activities. I can’t explain it any better than God simply took the pressure away!

 October 30, 2010 – Immediately He says, “My Child.”  And I respond, “My God.”  He then says, “Go forth this day and be the person you want others to be.  Pay close attention.  It is hard to live up to the standards we often wish to hold others to.  But, also see, that when we do, others respond accordingly.  It has to begin in and with yourself, through Me.”

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