Journey Through The Stillness – December, 2010
December 1, 2010 – I come to Him in awe and total thanksgiving for the launch of the website. He is smiling. He says, “See, Martha, when you step out in faith your efforts are made whole. Sometimes I have to lead you to the brink of turning and walking away as you were yesterday. You threw your hands up in the air and told me you couldn’t bring it all together. With tears you told me you couldn’t do it alone, that if I wanted a website I would have to make it happen. I would have to make it go smoothly. You were frustrated and doubtful, and you turned to Me, the only source of comfort and aid. I did not let you down, did I? I took your efforts and made them complete. I know it was not easy but I am pleased with you, child. Live in the joy that I have rewarded you with. Continue to seek my input, my blessing on these efforts to spread My Love and Joy to all.”
(Personal thoughts – Yesterday was the culmination of determined effort thwarted at every turn over the past couple of months while trying to carry out His will and create the website. The day before in His message He said it was ‘time’. I tried that day, but somehow let everything else get in the way. Then, yesterday, I laid it all out before Him in helpless frustration. After The Stillness I even went up to my figurine of the Shepherd and His Sheep. (He had just been here in The Stillness beckoning me to continue on.) I wanted to shake the statue! Instead, I put my hands around it and poured out my frustration saying that if He wanted it, He’d have to make it work for me. Boy did He. Somehow it all came together. It wasn’t easy and it took all day to make it come together. Now I see His reason for making it so hard. I am to be His witness. Through me He proves that when we step out in faith, even with doubt, if it is of His Will, He will make our efforts whole. All Glory and Honor are His. May the website serve only to reflect His Glory.
December 2, 2010 – Today The Stillness is here before I can even enter into it. I am about to pray a certain prayer that I do everyday before entering. I am looking at the wounded Hands. Immediately I am urged to write this prayer: “Wounded Hands of Jesus, through your touch I am healed. My heart aches with love of You.”
Whenever I look at His wounded Hands I feel at peace, at home, safe, healed. I know that, through these Hands, His Sacred Heart has wrought my salvation. I also feel compelled to write down another. However, this one is really more of a paraphrase of some words from another prayer that speaks to my soul: “Sacred Heart of Jesus that wrought my salvation, make my heart like unto Thine.” That is exactly what I felt I must write, but I, myself, would add, “For I am Thine, and Thine I wish to be.” I pray now for myself, and all of you, that He will keep us each safe and free from all evil; that He will guide us each to become our best selves; that He will never, never let us be separated form Him, and that our lives will serve only to reflect His Honor and Glory. Amen.
December 3, 2010 – “I AM the Light that shines through you. You know it; you feel it. I AM the Light of the world. Shine forth that all may SEE. Light the paths before you. They all lead to Me.”
December 4, 2010 – “Martha, child. You doubt; you are anxious. Even though you do not see the benefits of your work you must TRUST. Remember I am there. It is yours to do the work, mine to complete it in the individual. I tell you again, it is not about you, but about others. You have Me; there are others who do not. You have prayed to be used. Continue to TRUST.”
December 5, 2010 – It is my heavily robed Jesus today. (It is He who approached me from the very beginning, the very first time I ever entered into The Stillness.) He immediately takes me into Him. I am at home, at peace. All is well. But, then I think I hear Him faintly say, “Farewell, my child.” In my heart I cry, “No, Lord. Do not say farewell. No! You promised never to leave me.” He says, “I will not leave you, child. Though things may change, I will never leave you. Do not fear. I manifest myself to you in many ways; I am always with you.” As my time in The Stillness ends my heart is heavy. I do not want things to change. I cannot imagine anything better than this. I will place my trust in Him once again. My hope is IN the Lord.
December 6, 2010 – Today is different. I try to enter into The Stillness, but as in the beginning when I started on this Journey, the distractions are too many. Both cats are beside me, purring louder than I have ever heard them purr. Every creak and crack in the room seems magnified ten times more. I see that it is futile and realize that He has put the road blocks up. I know He is here, yet He is way off in the distance. It is as if He is hovering, watching. It is Our Lord, Transfigured. I even hear Him faintly. He is telling The Father, “This is your daughter.” So I just sit, knowing things are changing, not knowing what will be the next step in this Journey of Faith. I will wait. “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
(Personal thoughts – Somehow I want to linger here. I do not want to get up and leave this spot that, for me, has become Sacred Ground. I am empty, and yet peaceful at the same time. I know in my soul He is not finished with me. There is more to come. I just don’t know the Way yet, but He will be with me, and together we will find it. Change is not easy for me. It was definitely not easy when He asked me to start out on this Journey, but soon the Journey Through The Stillness became my reality. Fr. Bluett (Apr 2) advised me to remember, that while I followed His lead, He could change the focus at any moment to a different direction. He told me to go where He is leading me but remain open to ALL possibilities. I hope I have done this and will continue to do so. Here I am, Lord.)
December 7, 2010 – It is afternoon due to a morning commitment. Again I cannot truly enter into The Stillness. I ask, “Lord, please do not leave me.” He answers, “I am here, Martha. It is just going to be different. Be still. Know that I am God.” So I just sit in Stillness knowing I am here, He is here; knowing I am IN Him and He is IN me. It is enough.
December 8, 2010 – As I enter into The Stillness, I am begging Him not to leave me on my own, for I am lost without Him. I cannot do it alone. He says, “I am here, child. You are not alone. Yes, it is going to be different, but you must not stop coming to Me. Remember, it is I who gives you strength. Continue to come.”
December 9, 2010 – “Go, child. I am here because I know you need Me to be. I am here to bless you and send you on. Go forth into this day, Me IN you and you in Me.”
December 10, 2010 – Today’s reading in “God Calling”: “There may be times when I reveal nothing, command nothing, give no guidance. But your path is clear, and your task, to grow daily more and more into the knowledge of Me. That this quiet time with Me will enable you to do. I may ask you to sit silent before Me, and I may speak no word that you can write. All the same that waiting with Me will bring comfort and Peace. Only friends who understand and love each other can wait silent in each other’s presence. And it may be that I shall prove our friendship by asking you to wait in silence while I rest with you, assured of your love and understanding. So wait, so love, so joy.”
(Personal thoughts – I am so there, waiting in the silence.)
December 13, 2010 – I am asking again, “Lord, do not forsake me, do not leave me.” His heavily robed Hand of blessing is on my shoulder. It is heavy and warm, comforting. He says, “Daughter, I am here. I will not be here in the same way as before, for now, but I AM with you.”
(Personal thoughts – In the beginning I was a bit frightened of all of this, and now, I don’t know how to live without it. It will be a new Way. I must have patience and continue about His business.)
December 14, 2010 – Today He just says, “Martha, you have prayer and meditation. Remember to combine it with action. Go forth and be Me.”
December 15, 2010 – I am not sure I can accurately describe what is going on in The Journey Through The Stillness, exactly what I have been feeling. There has been a definite change. He is always here, but at a distance. Sometimes He speaks, reassuring me. At the same time, if this makes sense, I feel connected, in tune with Him, and yet, I am distant also. This is throughout the day, not just in The Stillness. I receive messages in many, many ways. He will reaffirm what I have already written on the website by having it repeated to me. This might be while listening to a TV show on EWTN, in a spiritual reading, or even from the pulpit on Sunday! Again, this is AFTER I have already written about it! In this way, I know I am still being Divinely guided and will continue on. I will also continue to go into The Stillness for He has commanded that I do, and also reinforced this command in many of my daily readings and meditations. Most importantly, I have been told to continue to come even when there is no message; even when He is silent. This I will do, not only because He has commanded it, but because I can no longer live without it.
December 16, 2010 – I am looking at my figurine of Jesus The Shepherd with the three sheep, the three sheep I know and love so well. I am pulled by the “Lost but Found” and saying to Jesus, “Do not let me be lost, Lord.” I hear Him say, “Remember, Martha, when found your joy is perfected.” I ask Him to help me in putting Him out there on the website, to not let my pride interfere. I ask for His help in removing self totally and letting it all be only about Him, that others may see and come to Him through it. He knows this is hard for me. He knows I enjoy the writing. I ask for His strength so that I am not ‘lost’ in myself. I pray, as always, that I never be separated from Him.
December 20, 2010 – A star is shining so brightly above me that I can barely open my eyes to see. I am there, at the stable. Jesus is cradled in the hay. My Lord says, “See my child, my Son, whom I love with a love no human being can even begin to fathom. I would shower Him with all that is good at His birth, but it would not serve mankind for Him to be in Kingly circumstances. For the sake of the world this is how it must be. My Son, my child. Watch over Him. Love Him. He is my gift to you and all men. Remember, daughter, you are my child also. Seek to learn ALL that this means. Seek to do ALL that I ask, and ALL will be yours.”
(Personal thoughts – I am so glad for a more personal message today. I am finding out that I do not like distant relationships. I would rather be asked to do that which I am uncomfortable doing than being alone in the dark with no direction. At least, when I am doing His will, unworthy as I am, I KNOW He is with me. Prayer: Do not keep yourself from me, Lord. Show me your will and help me to accomplish it. Let me have no thought of self, only You, for I am nothing without You.)
Here ends Book 1 – Journey Through The Stillness (January 4, 2010 – December 20, 2010) The pages in the journal have run out just shy of one year. And so, here begins Book 2, Journey Through The Stillness. In actuality it is the end of the beginning, for it is the ending period of the first year of my journey. I am anxious, and patient, to see where He takes me from here. And so it begins again …
Journey Through The Stillness, Journal #2
December 21, 2010 – (My beautiful daughter’s 29th birthday – I thank you, Lord, for the beautiful gift and blessing she is in my life.)
I enter into The Stillness to find Jesus My Shepherd with all the sheep surrounding Him and me. They are bleating and nudging me for attention, bleating and nudging. I lovingly pat as many as I can. I am smiling and truly enjoying it. One begins to bleat loudly saying, “Me! Me! Me!” I kneel down and rub its neck saying, “You are so loud that I MUST pay attention to you. What about all these others waiting patiently?” I hear Jesus, “Exactly.”
(Personal thoughts – He is letting me know that while I may not feel His presence (His pat) sometimes, it is because there is a need elsewhere that is greater than mine. If I am patient, He will come back to me. Oh, how I love those sheep! How fitting it is to begin anew with them.)
December 22, 2010 – As I sit in The Stillness I am having trouble. Trying to remain, I ask again, “Are you there, Lord?” The answer is, “Yes, but where are you?” My answer is to pray, “Lord, open my heart to receive You. Let me never be separated from You. Hold me close; keep me close. Help me to prepare the way for your coming that I may reflect your Glory to all those around me. I offer myself, mind, body, and soul, to You to do with me as You will. I offer You my life, my love. I am thine and thine I wish to be.”
December 23, 2010 – It is My Shepherd again. He is sitting. I am at His feet with my arms and head resting upon His lap. All the sheep surround us, but they are all lying down, waiting. All are at Peace waiting for the Joyous coming of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am ‘infused’, ready to greet my day. Thank you, Lord, for this beautiful day spreading out before me. I offer it all to you.
December 24. 2010 – I am feeling the distance today that I so do not want. Looking at my Lord, I say, “Lord, please be in my heart. Help me to welcome and love you.” Mary is there. Baby Jesus is lying in the hay filled crib. She gently picks Him up and places Him in my arms. She says, “LOOK at Him. SEE Him as the baby. Your heart will be softened. Love Him first as a beautiful little baby. Watch Him grow and love Him as a child. As He grows, you can’t help but love Him more and more, until the fullness of that love is reached, until you gladly give in, and give yourself over to Him. You are His and He is yours. Go in Peace, child. Love Him and all that He sends you.”
December 27, 2010 – Today I am more regimented about entering into The Stillness. It had been coming so easily for so long that I had become a little lax in the routine, so I take a few purposeful, very deep breaths and begin. “Are you there, Lord?” “Yes, Martha, I am here. Remember I am ALWAYS here, for I am IN you and you are IN Me.” “Yes, Lord, I remember. You ARE in me and I AM in You.” “Well then, child, be STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD.” “Yes, Lord, I will be STILL, for YOU are GOD.” I bow my head, my heavily robed Jesus’ Hands on my head in blessing.
At first, I sense nothing. And then, I feel the familiar nudge to go downward. I don’t recognize it at first, for it has been awhile. Then I realize and cooperate with what He is asking. I am nervous to go into the bent in half position and bear the weight of the Cross, for fear of the vein condition in my head. I say, “I trust in you, my Lord.” He takes me down. Once there, I see that He is holding the Cross just above me. I will not be bearing its weight for Him today; He will be bearing it for me! He says, “Well done good and faithful servant,” and then brings me back to the upright position. Today was about TRUST.
December 29, 2010 – Today is about just being still before Him, His hands on my head in blessing as usual. It is about ‘Infusion’. I am writing so much, especially for the website, that it is nice just to be here. I feel I have been doing His bidding and He is allowing me just ‘to be’. He knows I have had a cold and I need this time. Thank you, Lord.
December 30, 2010 – Today as I enter into The Stillness He is here with His wounded Hands outstretched toward me with open palms. He bids me come. Just as I get close enough I collapse into His arms. He enwraps me and says, “I know you are tired, daughter. I know you need this.” All I can think of is those Hands, those loving, wounded Hands. He is my Wounded Hand Lord, who suffered and died for me! Into His Hands I commend my soul. Here I am, Lord.