Journey Through The Stillness – July, 2010
July 1, 2010 – Today I feel different. I am longing to be held. Before I go into The Stillness I find myself looking at my figure of Jesus The Shepherd and longing to be that one sheep He has in His arms. I ask as usual, “Are you there, Lord?” “Yes, Martha, I am here. I am in you and you are in Me.” “Yes, Lord, You are in Me, and I am in you, but most unworthy to be so.” Then He sees that I am looking at the one sheep. I say, “Lord, I want that to be me.” He says, “Martha, that particular sheep has been tested in the fire. It was lost and now needs all the love and reassurance I can give it. Are you sure you aren’t just happy to be the one seated at my feet, basking in my love?” I am silent at this. After a moment, He says, “Martha, do you want to be that sheep in my arms, to be the one tested in the fire?” I cannot quite answer this. How does He want this question answered? I have always prayed that He never let me be separated from Him, and yet … Oh, to be found. I must think on this.
July 2, 2010 – I am not ready with an answer for yesterday’s question as I go into The Stillness today. I am thinking that it is not the “testing” and the being “found” that are weighing on me. It is the being lost, separated from Our Lord. What if I can’t get back to Him? I am terrified of being apart. He is my every hope; my guide; my solace. I find that I am exhausted. He cradles me on His lap with my head resting on His shoulder in the crook of His neck. I let completely go. This is what I am needing at this moment. As I come from this peaceful state out of The Stillness, I realize that I have answered His question. Once again I have surrendered. I am saying, “Do with me as thou will.” There is actually relief that it is out of my control. I no longer desire control. Everything is better when He is in control.
July 3, 2010 – I am led down into the bent in half position with my head down on my knee. The weight is heavy, my breath is short. It is only for a moment and then I am back up. But now, my heart is aching and I am spent again. I feel that I forced my way up sooner than He would have brought me up. He says nothing; just gives me a feeling that to do this is good. It alleviates and lessens some of His suffering. I only do it when prompted and led down. I am sure by His leading that this is what He is wanting. The time is of His choosing, not mine.
July 4, 2010 – As I enter into The Stillness through my usual routine it feels anything but usual. He and I are both very serious and solemn in the asking and answering of the questions. He KNOWS my every NEED, even before I do. He knows I have been longing to be held. This time, immediately after I say, “Yes, Lord, I will be still, for You are God”, I feel that it is not Him there. Instead, I am enwrapped, enfolded, in my Guardian Angel’s wings. I cannot explain the love, warmth, compassion, protection that I felt at this moment. I do not look up into the face of my Angel, and yet, I know that it is female. I am being held in a womanly, motherly love. Now I am crying like a baby and telling her I am frightened by all that is going on in my life. I am crying the ‘I want and need my Mama’ tears, and saying I miss you, Mama. While I know this is not my Mama, I do know my Mama’s love is here. I cannot stop my tears. Then I realize that Jesus, Mary, and The Holy Spirit are now here with us. Jesus is trying to calm me, assuring me that they all love me and that they are all I NEED. Still, I cannot stop these tears. Then, from up above us, I see a light parting through cloud matter. And then, I hear HIS voice. He clearly says, “Martha, I have given all of them to you, to love you, to share your journey. What more do you need? I am the Alpha and the Omega. You NEED nothing more. I AM. Now, go Martha, dry your tears and go. I AM with you.”
The whole time I am writing I am crying, but somehow, as I write His last statement to me, the tears are suddenly gone, dried up!
… My Lord, and My God, You give all to me and for me that I may live in your Love and share in Life Eternal. I am your unworthy, humble servant. Do with me as thou wilt.
As I was writing intensely all that was taking place I kept trying to pause to remember something I knew He had said. It was this, “Martha, whenever you feel the need to be held and loved, remember this moment. Remember your Angel’s wings enfolding you and the Trinity surrounding you and you will need nothing more.”
Personal thoughts: My need to be held is not from a physical need, for I have all the love I could ever hope for in my husband and family. It is a spiritual need, and I think it stems from the weight of responsibility I feel in imparting His words to all in my Journey Through The Stillness. Being frightened stems from the unknown of what more is to come and to be asked of me. It is not even frightened of what will happen to me, but more of, “Can I live up to it?” I know in my soul that He is with me and I know that I can (will) do all things through Him, who strengthens me.
July 5, 2010 – Immediately into The Stillness the Light and Cloud Matter are here. His hands are upon me. God, Our Father, HIS hands are on my head in blessing. He says to me, “Persevere, Martha, you must persevere. Remember, not one inch too much shall it be. However, the time is not yet. You are not ready and those I send you to are not ready. All I have is, and will be, at your disposal. I am building my fortress around you. Your army is Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Your Guardian Angel, and all the Angels and Saints. Your Shield is Love, My Love. Together WE will conquer the enemy and many, many souls will be led home. Continue to strengthen yourself for the battle through prayer and sacrifice, Martha. You are still learning how to do this effectively but are well on your way, my daughter.”
Personal note: He is referring to a reading in “God Calling” that I have used in mentoring my children in times of struggle, a reading that I hold dear to my heart and also call upon in my own times of need… “Long though the way may seem, there is not one inch too much. I, your Lord, am not only with you on the journey, — I planned, and am planning the journey. There are Joys unspeakable in the way you go. Courage – courage – courage.”
July 6, 2010 – As I enter The Stillness today, I am looking at my figure of Jesus, The Shepherd. I find myself asking Him, “Jesus, which one do you love more? Is it the sheep you hold so tenderly in your arms, who was lost and then found? Is it the sheep who sits quietly at your feet continually loving you and longing to be in your love? Or is it the sheep standing by your side ready, willing, and able to do battle for you, to defend you at all costs? Tell me, Lord, which do you love the most? Which should I strive to be?” In a most loving, tender voice, He says, “Martha, it is possible to be all three. At different times in your life you have been each, have you not?” For some reason my mind is focusing on the fact that I did not first ask if He was there, as I normally do. So, I ask, “Are you there, Lord?” He answers, “You need ask?” I feel a little admonished at this point, but we continue on. He says, “Being lost can be for a moment, an hour, years, or a lifetime. It can be as small as a minor transgression, an emotional weakness, a failure to look, or to act, or it can be outright denial of Me. Being found, on the other hand, is as simple and quick as a glance in my direction, a look of longing, a look of need, a look of Love. Remember, there is a time, a season, to everything. Simply put, your life is a journey to Me. Simply put, the meaning of life IS Me. Once you have Me, fight to keep Me, defend Me, then, bask in love of Me and from Me. To answer your question, Martha, I love each of my sheep equally, totally. Have I not given everything for each and every one of them? You already know this, Martha. But, you and all others want to hear, need to hear, that I love you NOW, that I love you exactly where you are in your journey now, exactly who you are now. If there is work that needs to be done in you, WE will do it together. Again, not one inch too much. Trust in Me.”
July 7, 2010 – It is God. His hands are upon my head. He says, “I AM the Lord, Your God. Remember this. I am not the Lord, Your God, only when you wish it to be so, only when it is convenient for you. Martha, you must let go of the things of this world. They mean nothing. Only the souls have worth. Only the souls are real. All the rest is superficial when viewed as a need. However, when viewed as a gift, as a blessing from Me, there can be joy found at times even in the things of this world. Never make them a need, only a blessing, in your life. Set your sights on the things not of this world, those things that can only be obtained through Me, then, and only then, will you gain the things of this world, and only if I deem them useful or helpful for the gathering of souls. This does not mean, however, that I do not bestow gifts (SMILES) on those who work hard for Me. I love to see you smile.”
July 8, 2010 – They are all here again this morning, Jesus The Shepherd, Mary, My Guardian Angel, God The Father Almighty. There is wispy cloud matter woven in and about them as a group. I realize it is The Holy Spirit. Even the sheep are here so I am smiling. Mary speaks, “Yes, we are all her, Martha. We are all with you. Then Jesus, “You are letting everyday life crowd in, Martha. Set these thoughts aside and also stop wondering why we are all here. Just be. We are all here.” I am also wondering about my angel. I try to see her fully, but her light is too bright to make out individual distinctions in her features. I see that she is not a physical manifestation, but beautiful light and shadows. God, Himself, deigns to speak to me once again. He says, “We are here for you, Martha. Give your tiredness, your burdens, your longings to us. Give all to us. We are your help. Without us you can do nothing. With and through us all will be accomplished, not just in others, but also in you. It is work, I know. But, go forth and shine. Be a breath of fresh air to all you come in contact with. We will make anything lacking in you complete. Others will not see where you falter or weaken. They will see that you march on. They will see OUR reflection only, and only we will know the cost. Call on each of us continually. We will be your strength.”
July 9, 2010 – I sit for a moment waiting to see who it will be today. Not until I totally give up, and give in, does He show up. It is Jesus, The Shepherd. I am always learning. I do not get to pick and choose or have it be whomever I want. He just places His hands on my head in blessing. Then a beautiful little lamb comes up and rests its head on my knee. I smile; Jesus smiles. I am prompted to pray The 23rd Psalm … The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me on paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Thou annointest my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever. Amen.
July 11, 2010 – At once my Shepherd is before me with the three beautiful sheep. The one immediately lays down at my feet filled with love and contentment. The second stands at my side so close he is rubbing against me, but ready at once to defend. And the third, the one who had been lost, Jesus, places in my lap. This sheep is trembling, frightened, until Jesus pats its head lovingly and says, “Don’t worry, you are safe with Martha.” Then the trembling stops completely. As I hold and soothe him I feel warm all over. I begin to pray:
Jesus, my Lord, my Shepherd, never let me say or do anything to lead your sheep astray. Never let me betray this trust you have so lovingly placed in me. By the love of your Sacred Heart within me help me to be a force of love and praise, a force of mercy and forgiveness in your army of eternal salvation. Never let me forsake you in what is mine to do, ever leading souls home to Our God and Father. Amen.
July 12, 2010 – As I go into The Stillness I am, once again, wondering who it will be. Instead, I am sensing that I am to put one foot on top of the other and envision the nail being driven through them. I do this for a moment, but then I am told to lay down on the floor, yet not the floor, but The Cross. I say I will, but I also say that I don’t think I will be writing THIS down. He says, “We shall see.”
I lie down and try to position myself as I know they would have Jesus. Just as I stretch out my arms and begin to think about how I am going to get my feet into position (you have to bend your knees in an awkward way), I realize that this is not going to be easy. While I begin to think about how one hand is to be nailed, I find that the other is happening at the same time, and also the feet. No nail goes directly through on the first pound. There are three people pounding at one time. I now picture being jerked upright. The weight causes the body to pull downward, but the hands cannot move with it. Flesh is torn. The same with the feet. The weight bearing down causes the feet to press forward. Flesh is torn. Now imagine, through this unfathomable pain, looking below and seeing your Mother. She is sobbing, as I am now. You see your dear friend, John. You see yourself through the look in his eyes. There are people all around. Some are weeping, some are smirking. You hear words of love and words of revilement. This goes on for hours. Your only hope is in heaven above.
Here The Stillness ends for today. I get up and I write, as He KNEW I would, no matter what others will think, no matter the cost.
(Personal thoughts – I never know what to expect when I enter The Stillness. I only know that this is MY JOURNEY. He has placed me on this path, and continues to guide me along it. When I am told such things as to bend over or lay down on the ground, I often hesitate, but then I know it is not something I dreamed up for myself, it is Our Lord asking. So I do as I am told. It is usually rewarded with some needed insight or poignant message. I always come away fulfilled. If one were to lay down on the floor then try to put the body into the actual crucified position and stay that way even for a short period of time, one would only slightly begin to fathom all that He went through. Of course, on has to be willing to let go mentally and live in that moment of Crucifixion to reap the benefits He is so wanting to bestow. It does take effort.
July 13, 2010 – Prior to The Stillness, while cleaning up in the kitchen and thinking of all that is to be done, I find myself thinking almost out loud, “But, Lord, I just want to be with you.” He says, “Well, Martha, then do that.” I am thinking I must prepare myself first with my own prayers, readings, journal writing, etc. “He says, “The preparation is not always needed. Just be with Me.”
Now, as I enter The Stillness, He says, “This is right; this is good. Sometimes it needs to be the SIMPLE. Whenever you are overwhelmed, Martha, just look inward. I am in you, and you are in Me. We are one. You only need to look inward to find and be with Me. Sometimes to come and sit in my Presence for a while, but other times just to see Me in yourself is enough to reassure you, to calm you, to strengthen you. Remember, as you said, Martha, to take the interruptions in stride as they are often planned by The One who loves you.” He is smiling. The Stillness is over. (Personal thoughts – I have to laugh because just during this Stillness I have had two phone calls; they must have been from Him!)
July 15, 2010 – I am wondering why my own thoughts keep creeping in when I so want to be with Him and on fire with His Love in my heart. He says, “Set that thought aside, Martha. To feel my heart within you must concentrate on My Heart. You must fight for it. Fight for it!” I begin to focus on Him and just as I really start to focus on His Heart my cheek itches, my toe itches, another thought tries to worm in and I know it is Satan. I redouble my efforts by focusing on the exact moment and penetration of the lance into Jesus’ side. I see it go in and I see it reach and then pierce My Savior’s Heart. The Blood of Life and The Water of Righteousness gush forth. Satan CANNOT fight THIS, he is gone. I am with Him. He says, “See, Martha, you must fight to be here sometimes. Satan is ever watching to worm his way in. He sees that I am wondering about the lance piercing His Heart, that at that moment, He was already so far gone, or already suffering so much pain, that He didn’t really feel much of anything anymore. It is as if He is thinking ‘excellent question’ because He immediately says, “You see, Martha, The Divine Love is ALWAYS THERE. While human love is very real, and very important, it is at times frail, fleeting, or weakened by adversity. It can even; in a sense die. But, NOT Divine Love. There has never been a moment, ever, where the world and all in it have been separated from Divine Love, the Love of God, Father. While I died humanly on The Cross, yes human love died too, but not Divine Love. NO ONE will EVER be separated from Divine Love. EVER!”
July 16, 2010 – He is waiting on me. He sees that there are some things that I need to think about. He waits patiently until I seek Him. Then He says, “Martha, sometimes you have to be in and of the world in order to help others. I know this, I see this, I understand this. Do not fret when it has to be so. We are so a part of each other that you are never alone. Do what you have to do, what needs to be done and I will be there FOR YOU.”
July 17, 2010 – Jesus’ hands are on my head in blessing. He sees my tiredness and draws me close. He says, “Lean on Me, Martha. I am your strength. Strength does not come from you. You cannot make or will yourself strong. It comes from this time apart with Me. Everything that you are comes from being apart with Me. I grant you the strength you need. I infuse you with Me and you become strong; physically, mentally, spiritually. I am Almighty, All-Powerful.
July 18, 2010 – Afternoon Stillness – As I sit, He is telling me that He knows all I have to do to get ready for our trip is weighing on my mind. So is being away from my Dad, other loved ones, and my pets. He says to Me, “Don’t worry, Martha. All will get done. The most important thing is that you remember to come and be with Me, for with Me, all that HAS to be accomplished will be. The next thing I know is that my Guardian Angel has come, knelt before me and wrapped her wings around me. I am thinking how I would just like to stay this way for a long time when I hear her whisper, “I love you.”
(Personal thoughts – I have never thought about my Guardian Angel this way. Protecting me, fighting for me, yes, but loving me? I always thought Guardian Angels did all for the love of God, which they do, but now I know they have feelings for us, mothering, nurturing, protecting feelings. I will never think of her the same again. I will pay more attention and I will thank God for her more often! I will love her.
July 19, 2010 – I am looking at those three sheep that I have come to know so well, The Lost but Found, The Lover of Life, and The Defender. I notice that each of them looks particularly happy, fulfilled. Jesus says, “Yes, Martha, they are happy. Each one has a role to play and each one is good at it. Just so is each soul unique, and each soul has its own contribution to make. When a soul finds its true calling, it is happy. Each soul finds it path to Me in its own unique way. There are many paths, many ways that lead to Me, THE WAY. When a soul is on that path which is correct for it happiness, fulfillment will be found. Look at ALL these sheep, Martha. There is a little of each of these three in each one of them, and yet all are different in their own WAY. Do you understand this? There is not one path for all, but all paths lead to Me. Each soul must find its own way through the world, but it will do so only when focused on Me, The Way, The Truth, and The Light, The ONE TRUE GOD. (Personal thoughts – Today has been one of the most hectic days I have been through in a long time. The Stillness is in the afternoon and I am thankful to have it to come home to. I am hoping that I have expressed His message clearly as I am feeling a bit disjointed, and yet … calm with Him.)
July 20, 2010 – Afternoon Stillness – Today it is my heavily robed Jesus who came at the very beginning of my Journey Into The Stillness. He says, “You are feeling besieged, Martha, and rightfully so. Satan is everywhere, all around you, looking for a crack, an opening. He is strongest when you are weakest, but I have made you strong. Don’t give in to impulses. Judge all things, all actions, through Me before moving forward. Know that it is right in My Heart, and within you first, then all will be well.
I saw earlier, Martha, you said that which you did not want to say. You realized it immediately. I see that you are sorry, Martha. Think! Think before you speak! You must train yourself; you must work on this for Satan is ever ready to speak for you if you allow it! I am there too; make Me your voice.”
July 21, 2010 – “Martha, Martha, Martha! You certainly do live up to your namesake. It is good, though, that you do not let it keep you from our time together. Sometimes it can’t be helped. As I have said, you must go ‘IN and OUT’. You must be in and of this world to do our work. You cannot afford the luxury of just sitting at my feet. Do not worry, for I see all of this. It is Me sending you out, and Me calling you back in. Continue to heed my voice, my Heart, within you. Go where I send you, do as I bid you. All is well.”
July 22, 2010 – Crucified Jesus stands before me. His head is lowered. His body is ravished with the marks of torture, His head bloodied with the Crown of Thorns. He raises His head and looks into my eyes. He says, “See Me, Martha. See Me first as the world sees Me, BROKEN. Then see Me as Our Father in Heaven sees Me, SACRED. Do you understand? What the world sees, and what is true, are two different things. Human eyes see my tormented, broken body. Heavenly eyes see my luminous, sacred body. Human eyes must be made to see beyond the brokenness to the sacredness. They must learn to see not as the world sees, and when they do, they will never want to see of this world again.”
July 24, 2010 – Today it is My Risen Lord as I sit before the gorgeous view from the hotel room window. He is excited, almost bouncing with pleasure. He says, “Look, look at the grandeur of all My Father has placed before us. See His Glory, Martha? Be in it, be of it. Take it unto thyself and make it a part of you. It will be given back to others tenfold because it will radiate from you. This is how one should relish creation. Become a part of it. Become ONE with it, become ONE with Me.” He is smiling, ready to go!
July 26, 2010 – As I place myself in His presence He is glad to see me. He reminds me, “I know this is a busy and exciting time, but remember to look inward to Me often. Martha, you are surrounded by love; love of family, love of nature, and love of Me. In fact, as you realize, you don’t have to look only inward to see Me. Here, you have to just look outward. I am everywhere; it is easy. It is SIMPLE.
July 29, 2010 – Today The Stillness is as we are riding in the car viewing the magnificent scenery. I ask, “Are you there, Lord?” and go through the normal entry into The Stillness routine. Immediately my Guardian Angel is there and wraps her wings around me. Jesus is there too. I feel the angelic, motherly love I am much in need of at the moment. Jesus, smiles and says, “See, Martha, I know your every need. Some needs I can fulfill from afar, but some can only be met if you come DIRECTLY to Me.” I am feeling very secure and very fulfilled. I keep thanking Him, and my Angel, from my heart for quite some time as we drive along. Yes, He knew EXACTLY what I was needing at that moment. I felt blessed.