Saint Mark’s Cathedral, Venice, Italy, 2012
“And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:39
Sometimes you just can’t have it both ways. You must choose one way or the other. This dilemma often presents itself when we want what we want, yet God has a different plan. Simply put, I call situations such as these the battle of wills … the physical will versus the spiritual will.
To make my point, I will share an example from my personal experience. In the past I have received some diagnoses that have put me to the test. While, not life threatening, they have been physically uncomfortable, at time worrying, and just plain no fun. I pray continually for acceptance and compliance to God’s will, and just when I think I am there, I find I have to undergo more tests to check for some new resulting condition. It is these times that I find myself drained and fighting that battle between physical and spiritual will.
I have learned through much prayer, reflection, and time spent in stillness before God, that I am not, and never will be, in control of my life. I have learned that the only thing in my control is my reaction to, and my attitude toward God’s will for me.
To further illustrate this battle of wills I will also share part of an entry from “Journey Through The Stillness,” my personal spiritual journal. This particular entry is written the day before one such doctor’s appointment.
March 21, 2011 – Today’s Stillness is more in my Spiritual Communion … In my offering I pray: “Lord, you know my heart and mind. Physically I want to be healed. I want to have my eyes back from this disease. I want to lose the weight the medicine has helped me to put on. I want the pressures in my head to cease. Physically I ask to be healed. Spiritually, Lord, my soul knows there is a bigger picture, a larger plan, of which You are in total control. Spiritually, I pray, Lord, only You know the plans You have made for me. I trust in your plan. I trust in your will for my life completely. Physically my being cries out heal me; Spiritually my soul cries out save me. Let it be according to your will.” When I enter into The Stillness, He lets me know this is what He wants from me. He wants complete surrender to Him.
Surrender is tough, but truly not as tough as that battle between physical and spiritual will. That battle keeps one’s soul in turmoil, while surrender brings quiet peace, brings hope in the knowledge that we are in His loving Hands. In that peace of knowing is the strength to say, “Let it be according to your will, not mine.
The personal experiences I share are not to call attention to me, but to hopefully help others who may be going through similar or even worse battles and struggles.
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